sarah paulson mental health one shots

here for you

ally mayfair richards -
content warning : self harm, suicidal thoughts, depression, sexual content
authors note : this was a request and i kind of took it in my own direction sorry lol

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you had never been addicted to cutting yourself, it just was something that happened every so often when you had a bad day. you didn't have a problem, you just needed a way to let your emotions out. at least that's what you told yourself. but it made it even worse when you relapsed, because you thought you were over doing it, and then you did it again. you'd never told anybody about it, and you didn't plan to. except you'd relapsed, and your girlfriend had made plans for the two of you that would probably end with you undressed.

your thoughts were interrupted when ally knocked on the door of your apartment.

"coming!" you called out from the kitchen where you were finishing up cooking dinner.

you opened the door to reveal a beaming ally holding a suitcase.

"baby." she pulled you into a sloppy kiss. "i missed you."

"i missed you too. come on, dinners ready."

"okay, let me go drop off my suitcase in the bedroom."

"i can do it babe."

"y/n you don't have to."

"just go sit." you reassured her.

after her business trips, you always took care of her a little extra.

"dinner looks delicious."

you returned to the kitchen and sat down across from her.

"how was your trip?"

"boring."

you finished dinner together and then you started to wash the dishes. ally came up behind you and wrapped her arms around you, trailing kisses on your neck.

"mm, i missed this." she moaned into your neck.

you turned off the sink, knowing it was useless to continue trying to wash the dishes.

"oh no, don't let me distract you." she detached her lips from your neck and pushed her hips against your ass, asserting her dominance.

"ally, please." you turned around to face her.

"only because you me asked nicely."

she picked you up and before you knew it you were laying on the bed. your shirt and bra left your body first, with your pants and underwear following suit.

your thighs. just as you remembered, ally noticed. she climbed off of you and sat beside you, facing the wall.

"ally we don't have to talk about this, you can just keep going."

"no, we do." she didn't sound angry, just concerned.

you grabbed your shirt and put it on.

"what is there to talk about?"

"are you okay?" she sighed. "that was a stupid question."

"you don't have to deal with this, if you don't want to deal with a crazy person i get it, you can leave."

"y/n, i would never leave you for something like this."

"i just don't know what you want me to say."

your throat felt tight and tears were falling down your face.

"just talk to me baby." she looked at you apologetically, and then stroked your cheek with her thumb, wiping away your tears.

"i'm okay."

"you don't have to be brave for me."

"i don't want to unload everything on you, that's not fair. you've had a stressful week and-"

"tell me what's going on. all of it. the nasty truth, everything. i want to help you y/n."

"i did it while you were gone. i had a really bad day on monday and i needed a way to let it out."

"have you done this before?"

"yeah." you said weakly.

she took your hands and squeezed them tightly.

"i just hadn't done it in almost a year. i'm not like the people who can't stop, i just do it every so often."

"it's still not healthy baby."

"i know."

"can i ask you something?"

you nodded.

"do you want to hurt yourself... more than that?"

"like die?"

she looked at her hands, clearly trying to hold back tears, but it let you know that she wanted to say yes.

"would you be mad if i said yes?" you muttered.

"i could never be mad at you for hurting."

you had never been this emotional with ally.

"but i have to ask you something. will i be able to keep you safe?"

"i won't go through with it, i just want to sometimes. but i don't have the means."

"i need you to promise me."

"i promise you can keep me safe."

she pulled you into her arms and laid you in her lap. you could hear soft sobs escaping her. it was hurting you to hurt her so badly.

"i love you y/n, and i'm always here for you."

"i love you too ally."

-

authors note : this ends weird but im sick of looking at it so sorry this is what you get