sarah paulson mental health one shots

im fine.

cordelia goode - im fine
content warning : depression, suicide, and self harm
authors note : in all my cordelia parts, miss robichauxs isnt an academy for witches and is actually a girls school, unless otherwise specified

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you stood up from your seat at the dinner table.

"where are you going?" cordelia looked over at you, smiling.

"i'm not feeling well. i think i'm gonna go lay down."

"okay. if you need anything let me know."

you nodded and pushed your chair in. cordelia was worried about you. you hadn't had an appetite lately and you hadn't been spending much time out of your room, and she had caught on. you walked up the stairs and shut the door to your room. you shared a bathroom with cordelia and the bathroom connected your two bedrooms. as soon as you got into your room you fell onto the floor and burst into tears. you couldn't take it anymore. you wanted it all to end. you managed to compose yourself enough to stand up and walk to the bathroom, carrying the little box of blades with you. you locked both of the bathroom doors and sat with your back against the bathtub. you sat with the blade in your hand for a few seconds, contemplating whether or not to continue. after a few seconds you slid the blade along your hips, over and over again until a knock on the door snapped you out of it.

"y/n are you in there?"

fuck. it was cordelia.

"just a second." you shoved the blade back in the box and pulled your grey pants back over your hips, shoving the box into your pocket. you stood up and opened cordelia's door, assuming she was trying to get in from her room, but she wasn't there. why was she in your room? you walked over to the other side of the bathroom and opened the door.

"are you okay?"

"i'm fine."

"y/n. you can talk to me."

"i'm fine." you repeated.

"you say that an awful lot."

she was just trying to help but it filled you with rage.

"fuck off cordelia."

the words hit her like a dagger in the chest, but she knew you didn't mean it. she had known you long enough to know that you were kind and wouldn't just treat someone badly for no reason. she knew something was wrong. guilt hit you and you placed your head in your hands.

"i'm sorry. i didn't mean it."

"i know. i just want you to ta-" she cut herself off and looked down. "y/n. is that blood?"

fuck. the blood had seeped into your pants.

"no."

"then what is it?"

"i don't know."

"y/n. what is going on? talk to me."

cordelia i'm fine."

"you're not fine. and you don't have to be. but i need you to talk to me."

"it's not your business."

"of course it is. my job is to take care of you. and how am i supposed to take care of you if you don't tell me what's wrong?"

"cordelia i am fine."

"y/n i want to help you."

you felt like she was suffocating you. you didn't want her help or anyones help. you wanted it to be over. all of it. and most of all you didn't want to burden cordelia with your silly problems.

"leave me alone." you pushed past her and walked into your bedroom, slamming the bathroom door behind you.

this was it. the last straw. you were just burdening everyone now. you grabbed the pen and notebook from your desk and wrote a note. you didn't have time to write one for everyone so you wrote a generalized one.

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authors note : i wrote this a while ago and idk if i love the direction it went in but whatever