𝐆𝐎𝐎𝐃 𝟒 𝐔, dreamwastaken

fourteen

Dear Clay,

Okay, I lied. This will be my last letter. Nick unknowingly guilted me into writing another one. He came over today, looking to give you another letter. He's still here watching TV in my living room, while I'm sat at the kitchen island writing this. I didn't have the heart to tell him that I wasn't going to write you anymore, so I told him I hadn't finished it yet. He really wants to play match maker and gets us back together— even just as friends. It's sweet honestly, but also makes me sad to think this will be the last for him to give you.

So here I am... I don't even know what to talk about anymore. I guess I'll just ramble and talk about random things so Nick sees that I'm writing things down.

Well, you're being canceled again. This time it's for your animated music video of Mask because of your use of ADHD medicine. That's so stupid of them to try to cancel you for putting your own personal experience into the video. It's not like you're advocating for people to not use their meds or use them improperly. You were simply saying that for you, the medicine held you back creatively, made you feel off, and just didn't work out for you. Some people just don't understand that, and it's really sad.

I was there when you decided you didn't want to use your medicine anymore. You told me how much you hated it and the way it made you feel. It held you back creatively, even though it helped you focus better in school. The cons outweighed the pros in this situation, which made you decide to quit using them. Although I had no experience with ADHD and it's medicine, I understood where you were coming from and believed you were making the best decision for yourself. It's the same way that I believe your music video was perfectly fine the way it was because I know your backstory with the medicine and why you portrayed it that way in the video.

I, for one, really enjoyed the music video. It was so nicely done and very detailed! I loved how you even subtly put George and Nick into the video. It's sweet of you to include them. Plus, many of your fans probably don't know this, but you essentially did a face reveal in that music video. I mean the animated version of you looks almost dead on what you look like in real life! Super neat that you were able to do that as well without many people realizing.

Speaking of face reveals, I keep seeing people getting really pumped that you may face reveal soon. That's super exciting if you're planning on doing it soon! I'm sure everyone will be super supportive the day you do it, and will also be super proud of you since it's such a huge step. You already know I will be proud of you as well. It might seem daunting and scary, but I'm sure it'll be a big relief after it's done with.

As always, please don't let the hate get to you. I know it's been a rough couple of weeks with a lot more hate and canceling happening. I would hate for you to be affected really badly by it. Remember that Nick and George will always be there to talk to you if you need a friend! Although I said this is my last letter, I'm always just a phone call away if you ever need anything. I mean it, Clay. Give me a call if you need something or someone to talk to. Just because we don't talk anymore doesn't mean I'll stop being there for you. You know how I am. I love helping people in any way that I can. That doesn't change even though we are no longer together.

Clay, I'll miss you. I don't know if I could ever say that to your face, but at least you'll know from this letter. I wouldn't exactly call this exchange of letters as us talking again, but it was nice while it lasted. I didn't realize truly how much I missed you until I started writing these letters.

I hope you never forget me because I will certainly never forget you and the impact you've had on me.

I know the things I'm going to say next were already said in the previous letter, but I feel like I should repeat it to show you how much I truly mean it and to remind you that I will always love you.

Best wishes to you and your future endeavors. I hope you get everything you want out of life and so much more. You deserve it, truly. Find someone great out there. Hopefully, they can love you more than I ever could. Again, I'm sorry I wasn't enough for you. I hope you find someone who is. And when you do find that person, well, good for you, Clay.

Maybe in another life we could have made it. Sucks that it wasn't this lifetime. But there's always the next. :]

Until we meet again, Clay.

Much love, Lila Nolan🦋

Author's Note:
yall forced me to write another letter from her, so here ya go! still have quite a few chapters left so don't worry!!(:  remember to vote <3