My PaperShop Girl

25~ I hate this

Y/N~ Your Name
L/N~ Last Name

Part 2 of the double update xx
TW~ This chapter contains mentions of hospitals, and alcohol abuse also mentioned of suicidal thoughts. Please don't read if you don't want to x
This will be from Y/N's POV

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Hospitals have become a place I'm familiar with ever since I was five years old. I know my way around and how to get there. I always remember those hour and a half long car trips. I would always get car sick and the trips became less and less fun. Hospitals at one point felt like it was my home I visited often, way more than I would have liked. Every other week for checkups, whether that be for me or my mom.  But when you grew up in a household like mine, had an ex like mine, i guess hospitals are an easy escape away from it all. The noise of the machines washing out all thoughts and hypnotising you to feel as though everything will be ok. The bandages that get wrapped around you, the plasters applied, the x-rays all telling you to be more careful next time. But what they don't know is that the accident isn't always on the outside, the cut or wound isn't always from falling over; it's inside many of the times.

My eyes slowly fluttered open as i took in my surroundings. Fuck does my head hurt. The light beaming down didnt help, not to mention the smell of wherever i was. And the chattering, either my head is going crazy right now, or i'm in a crowd of people.

"DOCTOR SHE'S AWAKE" My head now turning to the side after hearing that voice. Jacob? Doctor? What the fuck is going on?
"Jacob?" I asked, my voice strained and barely above a whisper.

"You're ok now, don't worry" He said.
I'm ok? Why wouldn't i be ok? Where the fuck am i?

"Where am i?" I asked now slowly sitting myself up, taking in my surroundings. I knew where i was, the plain rooms, the curtains made of what looked like paper, the smell of medicine now completely taking over my sinuses; i was in the hospital.

"Good Afternoon miss L/N, now i'm doctor drever, now in case you couldn't tell you are currently in the hospital. Now i am obliged to tell you why you are here, however i won't do so just yet. Can you tell me how you're feeling please?" The woman spoke as she entered the room. Her brown hair swaying as she sat down next to me and pulling out a small clipboard.

"Um, my head hurts bad, and i feel quite sick. I have no memory really of anything." I began as i looked at the ceiling. The lights burning my head even more, however i couldn't bring myself to look any where else. I knew Jacob was in here with me, i don't know about anyone else. When i first looked around quickly i saw only him, and i don't think anyone has came into the room within the last 2 minutes.

"Right Y/N can i just quickly take some details and then i'll explain everything" She asked. Her voice sounding sickly, almost babying me. I know she's supposed to help me, but her voice sounds mocking. I know why i'm in here, i need help; i think we can all see that. Well i can feel it, and now everyone can see it.

"I want to know why i'm here" I replied
"I'll tell you that in a second, i need some details first" She said, i know she hated me already, i don't blame her.
"Please just tell me why i'm here. What did i do to myself? Please i want to remember" I pleaded. As a few tears now swelled in my eyes, i tried my best to blink; blink several times to get rid of them. I'm never one to cry this much, i was told it was weak, and that i can't cry because everyone can see how 'pathetic' i am. I know that's not true, crying doesn't make me pathetic, but i've been told that all y life, so i guess that's what i have to deal with.

"Fine" She retaliated back. I felt bad, i know i should cooperate, i should of told her what she needed but i need my memory back. I mean shit, i don't even know how long i've been asleep for. Days? Minutes? A week? Fuck, i need to find this out.

"Y/N, it's ok to cry, it's a difficult time" Jacob said.
I almost forgot he was here.

"Jacob i don't want to cry, i feel like i've cried enough" I said as i finally looked at him. He was gorgeous, and i feel bad that he's here with me when he should be with his family or band mates. He should be rehearsing for the new year and i've stopped him from doing that because i was stupid.

"Don't feel bad. I promise no one will judge if you do. I'm here with you" He said as he grabbed my hand and squeezed it. "Thank you" I said and he smiled.

"Ok so Y/N" The doctor began pulling me away from looking at Jacob and having my gaze now at the ceiling once again. "You consumed alot of alcohol. More than you ever have before, and it messed with your brain hence why you are here and not at home with just a slight hangover. You were lucky to be found when you were because it wasn't looking good for you. Now we have completely-"

The doctors words just became a blur after that. A slight ringing noise played over the top, and i knew she was talking but i couldn't figure out what. Everything came back to me, the whole night; all the screams and cries. All thoughts i had; i was bad. But i don't know why i picked up the alcohol, i mean i thought i had gotten past that coping mechanism; i guess not.
I tried to end everything. And it was going to work, if i wasn't found in the morning. I regret it, obviously but then i think i'd of been ready. I'm not sure; but i guess i'll have to figure out that by myself.

"Y/N do you understand what i'm saying?" She now asked pulling me out of my thoughts.
"Y/N?" She asked again.

"Um yeah, yeah i do. Thank you doctor" I smiled trying my best to sound normal. This was horrible. Not only did i hate the hospital but i feel vulnerable here, i feel horrible here. But hey, what can i do about it?

"Ok that's good then, i'll leave you two to it, and i'll be back later" She smiled and walked out.
She hated me, i can already tell.

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There was a small silence that hung above me and Jacob. None of us daring to speak, my mouth dry from lack of communication; i hate this.

"Jacob?" I asked, my voice barely being heard even by me.
"Why did you do it?" He spoke up. He was waiting to ask that, i know he was. I just don't think he wanted to start the conversations off, he wanted me to do that.

"I don't know" I know why i did it. I think it was obvious.
"Yes you do. Why did you do it? You know you could have died?"
"That was the point" I whispered. His head instantly shooting up. Fuck, he wasn't supposed to hear that.

"Y/N." He said, his eyes now watering slightly at the words he had just heard. The girl he likes wants to die; and he can't do anything about it.
"Jacob, it all came down on me in one day. I thought i was ready to say goodbye to her, i really did; the silence it grew too much and all i heard was him. The words he said to me when he came to my house"

"Who came to your house?" He asked. Oh shit; i hadn't told him about Jamie coming to my house.

"Jacob, it's not that bad i promise. Jamie just came round because of the money. It was his money, he didn't touch me or anything. If anything i slapped him. He was just being a prick. I just had his words playing over and then looking in the mirror it all came back, and the alcohol was right there I-" My hands were shaking. Why am i such a mess?

"You don't need to carry on if you don't want to. Can i sit?" He asked as he pointed to the hospital bed.
"Can you sit? Jacob these beds are tiny" I laughed making him smile slightly.
"Good job i'm small then" And he sat himself on the bed and place and arm around my shoulder. My head now resting on him and i took in the smell of him. I know sounds weird but his aftershave was heavy on him.

"Y/N you know i'm always here for you. I was scared you weren't going to make it you know." He said as his hands found their way to my hair and began to play with it.
"I'm sorry" I said as my eyes now closed due to the calmess i was feeling.

"I know. I haven't told kate yet, i dont know her number, but you can call her right?" He asked. I was tired, my head still hurt; all i wanted to do was sleep.

"Hmm" Was all i managed to get out before my hand found his chest and i slowly fell back to sleep.

"I love you" I heard and straight after i felt a small kiss on my forehead.

Jacob Swann; i love you too.

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A/N~ Hey everyone sorry about the late upload ig, but thank you for 2K reads🤍

W/C~ 1640