That Schuyler Sister | LIPPA 💖

12 ~ Back to Before

LIN POV.

It's mid-August right now, a month since Riley and Benji got taken away. I still miss them dearly and I video call Riley every day. Poor girl is so upset, but she's adjusting. We didn't get to see them yet, but they live around 15 minutes away from out apartment. 

Riley's birthday passed 2 weeks ago and we arranged Appy to be brought to their house.

Pippa was also upset a few weeks ago because a show she was doing called The Code, got cancelled, but she was more upset about our daughter, Riley and Benji. She misses them so so much.

I made breakfast and woke Sebby up. While Sebby was eating, Pippa wandered out, in a nightgown. "Morning, Pips." I smiled, kissing her forehead.

"Lin...I was thinking about something." She smiles.

"What were you thinking about, Pips?" I ask, looking over at  her.

"I'll tell you later." Pippa smirks, heading over to help Sebby. 

I smiled at Pippa and Sebby. She cooed at him and played with him all the time. Her belly had gone back to normal already and it looks like she was never pregnant.

After breakfast, we decided to call Riley, who immediately picked up.

"Hi Lin! Hi Pippa and Sebby!" Riley squealed.

"Riley! How are you doing?" Pippa gushed.

"I'm fine. I miss you guys so much." She frowns.

"What if we visit you later if your grandparents let us." I suggested.

"Yes! Please! They'll definitely say okay." She said happily.

"We can bring Bailey to see you, if you want." Pippa added, causing Riley to grin from ear to ear, before replying, "Of course!"

.

.

.

After visiting Riley and Benji, we were all happy and exhausted. Sebby missed them a lot, because he got used to having siblings, and then suddenly they were taken away. 

We put Sebby to bed, and Pippa and I cuddled on our bed.

"I miss Riley and Benji so much..." Pippa began.

"Me too." I sigh, before adding, "What were you thinking about earlier?"

"I- I don't know how to say this..." Pippa stutters. "Do- do you want to try for another baby?"

I freeze and my mouth hangs open. "Is-is it ev-even safe for you right now?"

"I called the doctor. She said it's safe." Pippa whines, before pouting and looking at me.

"I don't know..." I wince, pushing back my hair. "Are you sure?"

I could see tears filling Pippa's eyes and she quickly blinks them back. I immediately add, "I mean if you're ready, then I'm ready."

She does an awkward half smile, bites her lip and looks away. Did I make it that obvious that I wasn't ready? Our daughter wasn't planned, and she's gone. How different would it be if we did plan it? If Melody was still alive?

I move my hand over to try to comfort her, but she pulls her arm away. 

"I'm sorry...I didn't mean it like that." I coo.

"Then what did you mean?" Pippa snaps, causing me to pull my arm back, completely shocked by her behavior. Tears begin filling her eyes and she bites her lip.

"Pippa..." I wince.

"Leave me alone." She growls, slumping over, still facing away from me.

I sigh...why did I do that. I rub my eyes, and think, 'What should I do...'

"Pippa..." I begin, "I'm sorry...I'm ready for another baby...I just didn't know how to react."

I could hear her sniffing and crying quietly, causing my heart to sink. "Pip...I'm really sorry. I want to make sure you're okay."

"I'm sorry, Lin. I'm sorry I got mad." She whimpers, turning to face me again. I cuddle her and rub circles on her back.

"Do you even want to try for a baby?" She asks, looking up at me, her face splotchy and red.

"I...Yes." I nod.

She smiles and kisses me, and I kiss back. 

.

.

.

PIPPA POV.

Lin and I decided to try for a baby. We tracked all the days I would be fertile, and we tried every night...but no luck. It was already September, and Sebby just started kindergarten. We took him there, and then we would try for a baby. I cried when I got my monthly, knowing I wasn't pregnant.

We tried one last time, and this time the test confirmed I was pregnant. But at 4 weeks, I miscarried. I felt terrible, and kept blaming myself, while Lin tried to assure me and tell me it wasn't my fault, but I knew it was. I was carrying a baby in my body, and I caused my child's death.

In Mid-October, we tried again, again, and again. We tried nearly every night, and I took another test. When it said negative, and Lin was there to comfort me.

"I'm so confused. How could I get pregnant with Melody, and not even plan it? But when I do plan it, I can't get pregnant." I cry into Lin's shoulder.

"Shh...we can try again in a bit." He comforts me.

That night, we tried again and Lin worked...hard. We both tried hard to get pregnant, and finally, it was confirmed we were pregnant. I was 4 weeks by the time it was Sebby's birthday.

"Happy Birthday Sebby!" I smile, kissing him on his forehead. "My little boy is 4 already! 4!"

"Mommy! I'm 4 years old now!" Sebby squeals, holding up 4 fingers.

"Yes you are! My little birthday boy!" I laugh.

"No! I'm not little!" He frowns.

I laugh again, and pick him up, balancing him on my hip. "I made breakfast. Eggs, bacon and some waffles." I tell him, setting him down in his chair. 

"Thank you Mommy!" Sebby giggles.

I kiss him on his forehead, as he digs into his breakfast. I head over to Lin, who pulls is walking down the stairs. He kisses me good morning, and gently rubs my belly with his thumb.

He bends down and whispers something that I couldn't hear, but he smiles and gets up. Then he kisses me again-

"Happy Birthday Sebby!" Lin says happily, tousling his son's hair. 

"Fank you Dabby!" Sebby laughs, his mouth full of food.

I smile, and my hand automatically finds its way and rests on my belly. I look down at my still flat belly, and think, 'I can't lose you. I just can't.'