Drawn to His Flame

Kabanata 24

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For three consecutive days, I was sleep-deprived. Patunay na roon ang mga malulusog na bagahe na makikita sa ilalim ng mga mata ko. God! I didn’t know I’d ever wish to have retrograde amnesia. Gusto ko lang talaga makalimutan ang pag-uusap namin ni Treyton no’ng nalasing siya kasi sirang-sira na ang inner peace ko dahil do’n.

“Wanna borrow it ba? Kanina pa kasi kita nakikitang pasulyap-sulyap,” Shell asked while handing her mirror at me. Mukhang katatapos lang niya mag-kilay.

Umiling lang ako saka ngumiti. I think she caught me examining my reflection on her mirror while she’s doing her thing. Akala ko ayos na ang mukha ko pero ang haggard ko pa rin pala kahit ang aga-aga pa. Compared to Treyton’s wasted form last week, I looked worse.

Hindi ko rin talaga alam kung bakit ginawa kong big deal ‘yong sinabi sa akin ng lalaki. I was used to not care about trivial matters but what happened to me? I didn’t even know if it’s true in the first place! At kung totoo man ‘yon, e ano naman ngayon? Wala namang mababago.

But the impact of that revelation to me was strong and long-lasting.

Maybe I was just purely surprised to discover that Treyton also liked guys because he said it himself! He liked me! Past tense man ang pagkakasabi niya sa salitang ‘like’ pero hindi no’n mababago ang katotohanan na nagkagusto siya sa kapwa niya lalaki! To be honest, I didn’t see that coming.

And I was somehow proud of myself because I passed his standards. He’s the Treyton Franco after all! Girls grovel for his attention but he was attracted to me. A nobody.

Kahit noon pa talaga iyon nangyari ay achievement pa rin ‘yon para sa akin! I won’t let anyone tell me otherwise.

But every time I’m weighing the possibility of him actually liking me, questions that will never be answered flooded my mind. Gusto kong malaman kung kailan siya nagkagusto sa ‘kin at kung bakit. And I also wanted to know what’s the reason why his feelings for me faded and if I did something that caused it to happen.

Because if he liked me a little longer, it could’ve made a difference.

A megaphone blared nearby, making me jump. But it was enough to bring me back to reality. Napahilamos na lang ako sa aking mukha gamit ang dalawa kong kamay pagkatapos. Mababaliw na talaga ako sa kakaisip.

“Why do you look so conflicted?” tanong sa akin ni Shell. It’s ironic how I was the one going crazy while Treyton might not even remember the secret he spilled to me. Siya na talaga ang tatapos sa akin.

“Would you believe the words of a drunk person?” I asked instead of giving her an answer. I want to shed light on at least one of my inquiries. This one would be the most life-changing but I want to give it a shot.

“That is so unexpected, Reg,” natatawang komento ni Shell.

“Still want to hear your insight though,” I convinced her.

Napatingin naman si Shell sa malayo na para bang nagbabalik-tanaw. She laughed afterwards as if a hilarious memory appeared in her mind. “If I answer that based on experience, it’s a yes.”

I sighed in dismay. Nakapanood na rin ako ng maraming palabas at pelikula kung saan nilalasing ang isang character para ibulgar nito ang katotohanan o kung ano mang nililihim nito. But I still wanted to hear it directly from a friend I trust and now that Shell confirmed my hunch, I become more problematic than ever.

“Totoo talaga lahat?” I questioned again, just to make sure.

Shell grinned at me. “Mostly, Reg. Kaya nga hindi na masyadong umiinom si Papa, e, dahil baka may masabi na naman siyang ikakagalit ni Mama.”