Drawn to His Flame

Kabanata 34

Humane

Natapos na ang aming island hopping at nakabalik na kami sa Isla Carles pero nanatili akong tuliro. My fingers occasionally find their way to touch my lips. My body shook in terror because I can vividly remember how he felt.

Parang maiiyak ako dahil sa magkahalong tuwa at lungkot. I was saving it but it’s gone before I knew it. In exchange for my life, I was robbed off my first kiss. Matatanggap ko naman iyon pero bakit si Treyton pa ang nakakuha?

Pero natigilan ako nang may biglang lumitaw na tanong sa aking isipan. Was it even a kiss?

“Kuya, okay ka lang?” Katie sounded worried so I stopped pulling my hair. Umayos na ako nang mapagtantong nakuha ko na pala ang atensyon ng mga taong nakakasalubong namin.

“My hair’s frizzy. I’m just finger combing it,” I reasoned out and thankfully, Katie bought it. We found a local restaurant to dine in for lunch and the place served amazing seafood cuisines. I felt bad because I was only able to eat a few tablespoons of those dishes. Hindi ko talaga mapilit ang sarili kong kumain dahil nawalan na ako ng gana pagkatapos ng lahat ng nangyari nitong umaga.

Nang matapos kaming mananghalian ay bumalik na kami sa hotel na aming tutuluyan para magcheck-in. Sumalampak agad ako sa kama at mabilis na nakatulog dahil sa pagod.

Nagising ako dahil sa ingay na gawa ng mga yabag ng paa. “Mabuti naman at gising ka na ‘nak. Maglilibot kami ngayon. Gusto mong sumama?”

Umiling ako kay Mama bago sumagot. “Dito na lang po ako, Ma.” Mukhang tatanungin niya ako kung bakit kaya sinagot ko na iyon kaagad. “I’m still tired po kasi. Sorry, Ma.”

Lumapit si Mama sa akin bago mahinang tinapik ang balikat ko. “Inubos mo nga talaga ang lakas mo kanina sa Baybay Beach,” my mother said that made me scratch my head. “Babalikan ka na lang namin dito kami kapag kakain na tayo ng hapunan sa labas,” dagdag ni Mama.

“Thanks, Ma. Ingat kayo,” paalam ko at hinatid na sila hanggang sa entrada ng hotel.

The beach was not far from where I was and I saw that it’s very alive unlike me who was certainly slowly wilting inside. Napakadaming tanong na bumabagabag pa rin sa akin ngayon. And what’s funny is that those questions pertain to one person only.

It was easy for me to at least not think about Treyton when he wasn’t around. But now that he’s back, I don’t know why his actions could just easily disrupt my entire system.

Nang may makita akong veranda habang pabalik sa aming kuwarto ay doon muna ako tumungo para makalanghap ng hangin. The grip I had on the railings tightened while I continued to breathe heavily. I freaking hate why my eyes were still looking for him in the crowd down below.

Yumuko ako at paulit-ulit na inuntog ang aking ulo sa barandilya ng veranda. I freaking endured what befell on me after what he did but now that he’s back, I can’t even bring myself to freaking loathe him. Pilit kong inalala ang mga masasaklap na karanasan na ibinunga ng ginawa niya noon pero wala ni isa doon ang magiging sapat na rason para kamuhian ko siya.

I hate myself for being like this. I really do.

“What are you doing?” My heart began beating like a drum. I stopped banging my head before slowly turning my back. Hahakbang na sana ako paalis nang hawakan ng lalaki ang aking palapulsuhan. As much as I want to break away from his touch, my body wasn’t cooperating.

“Okay ka na?” he asked. I stopped a sarcastic laugh from escaping my lips because of that. How could he ask that when I can’t be fine when he’s near?

Narinig ko ang malakas niyang buntong hininga pagkatapos ng ilang segundo ng katahimikan sa pagitan namin. “I’m sorry about what happened earlier. Hindi ko lang alam ang gagawin.”