Blue & Grey

2.

17/9/21

Numbness...is that what you call when you feel no emotion when you want to cry but Tears won't come out you want to sleep but you can't it's just all silence then these inner voices starts talking how I deserve this pain and, how I deserve to be left alone in the crowd.

I told them I don't feel like talking and don't want to talk and they left... just like that. Somone who I thought would never leave even in the worse scenario but yeah they did.. expectations huh ... funny isn't it. Yesterday I added one more thing to my "how-miserable-my-life-can-be" list. I slept at 6 in the morning whole night just staring at the ceiling hearing these voices screaming inside my head trying to stop but just like how my voice didn't came out the whispers didn't stopes until finally at 6Am I slept and woke up like yayy I'm the happiest person in the world.

They told me that they noticed my skin glowing these days.. wow if things would've been good I would be so happy to hear that but just like every other day I just smiled yeah fake smiled and guess what they didn't noticed. They can see my glowing face but not my pleading eyes screaming for help. I never was a person who share my feelings it makes me feel that I'm weak which I am but I don't want them to see that... I did gave them hints though I send them my playlist which is the only way I express myself...through songs but they ignored it they thought they'll better watch some T.V dramas than listening to my shitty kpop songs which are meaning less and just me going through a phase.

So I did what I'm best at I shut down myself muffled my cries, that's the only thing I do without messing up . Another day passed without any sight of light just the darkness and me.

-late night diaries.