30/9/21
Books. I love reading, it makes me forget things but the loneliness never leaves. When the character is sad and going through hard time there's always someone besides them to ask if they are okay but it doesn't work like this in real life. I'll hide my emotions behind these mask and they'll never notice. Somtimes I do show that I'm tired both physically and emotionally but they never ask and I never tell.
They think I'm too much sensitive. I denied at first but it's true even a small dream can made me cry and feel down for the whole day but they don't notice.
What hurts more is I write these things up because I found myself alone the list of friends or any other person who I can share my feelings with it's empty now they don't understand. They think I'm attention seeking.
Yeah I am. I need someone to ask me if I'm okay so that I can cry my eyes out and tell them I'm not I want someone to see through my smile that I actually am not smiling I want somone to understand the meaning of the song I hums all day.
I read somewhere "you shouldn't need somone else to make you happy". I think it's true... at some extent. But don't we all need someone at one point to relay on to lean on. Yes I'm jealous because they got everything I want... yeah I know they must have their problems too but still I'm jealous... can't help it.
The loneliness doesn't leave it stays with me even when I'm in a crowd even when I'm laughing...whispering quietly making me awar of my existence. Alone.
-late night diaries.
YOU ARE READING
Blue & Grey
Non-FictionA diary written by a suicidal and depressed soul going through the hardest time fighting her own inner demons. My diary. 💜
