2/04/22
Days became months and months became years. Still being at war with myself trying to be the me I always wanted to be. Thoughts. Of leaving this all behind became constant now. Singing myself the words I want to believe. "Everything will be alright", "Everything will be just fine".
I'm losing my fight. No longer want a shoulder to cry, someone to listen. Sleep sounds like a great idea. Trying not to breakdown infront of the people I call "family". Hiding my pain. Smiling through the day.
Will it ever be alright? Am I ever going to feel the happiness I always crave? Will I be able to hold back myself any more?
These questions that keep me awake throughout the night. No one knows my screaming soul. No one saw my empty eyes.
It's Getting harder every day. Pretending to be fine. Waking up to the "new normal".
Lost the hope to survive. Thought that I'll be fine. Those white lies. Clouding my mind with fog thick as my skin.
I'm sorry to be such disappointment. I'm sorry for being how I am. For not being what you wanted me to be. For trying so long just to be a failure in the end.
Don't know if I'll be writing anymore. No words I can think of.
Yes I'm giving up.
-late night diaries.
YOU ARE READING
Blue & Grey
Non-FictionA diary written by a suicidal and depressed soul going through the hardest time fighting her own inner demons. My diary. 💜
