Blue & Grey

16.

3/04/22

Childhood memories. We often smile while remembering our childhood memories. Remembering the days when we were free of all the cruelty of the world outside our mother's arms. When we used to get happy of the idea of being an adult. Not knowing the dreadful truth.
But not all of us had the happy, smiley childhood.

She was so sure, That being a teenager and being older meant having fun and going out with friends till 4am. But little did she know that at 4am she would be sobbing hysterically debating whether she should take her own life Or not.

She remember being taken away from her mom and her elder sister to her grandma's house because momma had another baby in her belly and she can't take care of her and the baby together. But She was a baby too. Being only 1 year and two months When she got separated from her mom.

She remember crying herself to sleep every night because she was scared of the monsters under her bed but she couldn't go to her mom. She was taking care of her sister. She remember growing up while playing with herself.. often talking to her teddy.
She remembers getting punished infront of her siblings because she wasn't the best in her studies. She remembers getting scolded infront of her sisters because she couldn't score good marks like they did. She remembers getting compared to her siblings for every certificate they bring home.

The difference between of being a child and now is that before, your mum would tend to your cuts.
Now, you do. But only after you created them.

Crying throughout the night she hopped for the happy ending she always saw in her fairytales. Now, she is standing on the rooftop of the buildings she don't know. Losing the hope after holding onto it for 18 years.

-late night diaries.