Blue & Grey

12.

26/01/22

She was laughing without the worries that something will go wrong. She was finally happy. It was all going well....abnormally too well.
Then it all came crashing back down. Again. When she thought it's all gonna be fine..she CAN be happy again... she finally let down her walls only for it to come back up again. The house of cards fell down just like that.

She's sorry for not being a perfect child for not being the brightest one for not being active enough like her siblings for not socializing for not thinking positively. sorry for being the problematic child.
She's sorry for not being the child you wanted.

She have a million words inside her head but the only one thing she can voice out is.... 'she's worthless'.

Yes I am insecure. Those inner voices are correct. Who would think...that I am beautiful when even I don't think so. Who wants to be my friend when all I know is to rant about myself. Just Because I have those stupid insecurities. Who would want to be with someone so self centered and an attention seeker . Who would want a loner like me when I myself even don't want me.

She thought she was happy. That she was finally out of her stupid phase of life. She was wrong. The real her was sitting in a corner all by her self.. waiting for the moment when her other happy self is done acting fine. Faking all smiles. Thinking all right.

She will never see the light. She'll be the loner she is forever.

The happily ever after dosen't exist in real life.

-late night diaries.