risk// 5SOS

36

Tw. Psych ward, mentions self harm
Sage

"Good morning Sage, how did you sleep?"

"Okay,"

"Great. Let's get you back to your room,"

Holly was my favourite 1:1, and she was extremely kind to me. I thought they'd be strict, and horrible, but she was the opposite.

I followed her through the hospital and back to my room, which didn't feel like my room. The only thing that made it my room was my name on the door.

"Are you going to have a shower this morning?"

"Do you have to come in with me?"

"No," she smiled, "I sit out here,"

"Are you saying I need one?"

"Recommending it,"

I smiled slightly, but shook my head and climbed back into bed. I didn't want to shower, because that meant washing off home, and the hugs I got from my family. Until I knew they were visiting, I didn't want to shower. It would ruin my dressing anyway.

Being here wasn't so bad, measured by the fact it didn't make me want to escape. Sure home would be better, but my doctors were good. Dr Fahri was friendly, comforting, and talkative which helped me. No matter how much I wanted to scream and shout about everything that had happened, my mouth wouldn't give, and I hadn't been able to tell him much. I wanted to tell him so that he could tell me that I wasn't insane for feeling the way I did about it. He seemed smart.

"If you're not going to shower, we should get breakfast,"

"I'm not hungry,"

"I'm sure thats a lie,"

"What time is it?"

"7:30,"

"Rider won't be eating yet, he eats at 8,"

"Rider and you are on different schedules for a bit, okay? I know you miss him,"

"I'm not going yet,"

"Okay. Do you think you will go to group therapy after breakfast?"

"No,"

"The classroom?"

"No. I will stay here until Dr Fahri comes,"

"It would be really good to engage in activities with other kids,"

"No thank you,"

I pulled the duvet over my ear and continued to stare at the wall. It was pale blue, the rest of the walls were white, and was quite smooth. My sheets were also pale blue, and the mattress was thin, unlike the walls which allowed me to hear nothing around me.

It wasn't glamorous, but I was in here to prevent my death, so no one was focused on glamour.

At 8, Holly made me get out of bed to get breakfast, so I trailed behind her in my sweatshirt and joggers, entering the canteen. Miserably, I got myself some toast, then sat down and ate it, wishing Rider was with me.

It had been a lot harder than I expected to leave him alone and stay in peace. Every thought always ended up back at Rider, and my ache to hold him consumed me.

And I knew he wasn't my kid, Calum made it clear, but it still felt like one being taken away.

"Hey,"

I looked up as someone sat down, putting a bowl of cereal down infront of themselves. They had slightly overgrown and wavy ginger hair, paired with blue eyes and freckles. At a first glimpse, he appeared tall, and muscular, though I felt he had once been more muscular as the slam of the tray onto the table had quite a firm force.