risk// 5SOS

44

Calum

I had extra time today before picking up the kids because both of them were at therapy. As a result, I put up the final shelves in Sage's room, and hoovered up the mess.

Their walls were now blue, and the duvet set was white with small flowers embroidered. On the wall were shelves with plants on, and then they had told me some bands they liked, so I found some posters and put them up. I got them a beanbag, and some new books, as well as some white black-out curtains. I was pretty chuffed, and even more excited for them to come home and get the finishing touches with me.

I set off a little early so that I could do some shopping, but I just wanted to see my kids to calm me down.

Earlier had been a shock to the system. I couldn't think straight, and it scared me that Sage could've been in that position.

I picked up some nice food, ready for when they came home, then went to the school.

"Good afternoon Mr Hood,"

"Afternoon,"

"They should be out any moment,"

I took a seat and checked my phone- 5 missed calls, and 30 unread messages from Luke and Ash. I couldn't check them right now, I just wanted to focus on my kids.

And it wouldn't surprise me if they were at my house when we got home, but I would deal with that when it came.

"Dad, dad, dad, look,"

Rider ran over with a sticker on his jumper, smiling proudly. I gasped and took his bags, letting him climb onto my lap.

"I got it for being the best tidier,"

"That's awesome bud, I'm so proud of you,"

"I can't wait to tell Sage. They come home on Saturday. Two sleeps,"

"Two sleeps, that's right,"

He giggled as I bounced my knee, making him shake. Though he'd only seen a therapist a few times now, he always seemed to be relatively cheerful after, and I had noticed a change in him.

He was lighter. Not physically, thankfully (we had recently gone to the doctors and he was actually progressing to a healthy weight) but I noticed that he was really starting to become himself. Part of that was him becoming less clingy, but his independence was shining through, and I loved it.

Of course there was a long way to go, but he was doing great.

Gia quietly came out of her room, and leant into me, so I kissed her head and wiggled Rider off my lap.

"Are we ready to go?"

"Yeah,"

"Great. Maybe when we get home we can all do something together? I would like that,"

"Okay,"

"Can I still get my hair done on Saturday, even though Sage is coming home?"

"Yeah, I will pick them up while you're getting it braided,"

"Okay, thank you,"

"Of course angel, I know how important it is to you,"

We all got in the car and I passed them back their water bottles, then we headed home.

Just as I expected, Luke was parked outside, Ash and him leaning on their car. Sighing, I parked the car and got out, giving Gia the house key.

"I'll be five minutes, okay?"

"Okay,"

I locked my car and leant on the back of it, silence hanging between us like a thick fog. These guys were my best friends, and usually vulnerability came easily, but right now I wished there was a huge wall between us, and that I could keep it to myself.

I was embarrassed, and it was personal.

"Cal, what happened at work?"

"There was this patient... it's fine, they're gonna be fine, I am fine,"

"I don't think it is fine,"

"It is!"

"Look man, we just wanna be here for you," Luke said, "We care about you,"

"Can you guys leave me alone? I didn't answer you for a reason,"

"Get your head out your ass and talk to us," Ash said firmly, "Because it is never like you to shout and push people in any circumstance,"

"I am gonna go and spend time with my kids,"

I stood up straight and Ash grabbed my arm, then held my shoulders and looked at me.

"Calum, we are here for you,"

"Look, it made me overthink, and realise Sage could've been in that position. I just got freaked out, I am okay now,"

They both looked at me, and their faces softened, Ashton pulling me into a hug. Begrudgingly, I hugged him back and rested my head on his shoulder.

Luke rubbed my back and I hugged him too, then felt myself tearing up and hid my face.

"I am scared that it's gonna happen again. That Sage is gonna wanna hurt themselves badly again,"

"They're medicated now, they've been taught coping mechanisms, and they've got you,"

"We know medicine doesn't just solve things all of the time,"

"It's not the only thing they have though. And if it happens again, we will support you every step of the way, but try and remain optimistic. They've told you they feel ready,"

"Do you guys wanna join us?"

"Nah, you said you needed time with your kids, and I think you really do. You ignoring us sent off alarm bells, that's all. People at work understand too,"

"Thank you guys,"

"I'm sure they'll be wanting tea, go and sort them out," Luke said, nodding towards the house, "But have a quiet night,"

"We will do,"

They got back in their car as I went inside, locking the door behind me. I took my shoes off and went upstairs, showering and changing whilst the kids played in their room.

I got them sat at the table doing homework while I cooked, then dished it up and sat at the head of the table between them with the biggest smile I could muster.

"Anything exciting on tomorrow?"

"It's Friday!"

"Mhm, that's always good," I said, "We need to bake a cake tomorrow night, ready for Sage coming home,"

"Chocolate?"

"Their favourite cake is one with sprinkles inside, and white icing on top, and more sprinkles," Rider said.

"We will make that then!"

"Can I have more food?" Gia asked.

"You can have some fruit, or some yoghurt,"

She got herself an orange and then ate it while Rider finished his food, all of us clearing the table after. I wiped it down and then got the kids to choose a movie for us to watch.

I sat between them both, cuddling them. There was no doubt now that Rider was my son, and it was evident that he and Gia were always destined to be siblings.

And that was something so beautiful to see.