Black Sheep

Cue sad sobs for another lifelong regret.

Remember that awkward moment in your life, when your parents make you order for yourself in a restaurant and the waiter is this super cute guy you can't even muster yourself to talk to? 

And that awkward moment when you're talking to your friends in a group but no one is listening to you, so you just decide to let your existence fade away? 

Or that awkward moment when you make eye contact with someone multiple times. 

Maybe that awkward moment when people are singing Happy Birthday and you have no idea where to look. 

The awkward moment when you're being sarcastic but someone actually believes you. 

Perhaps the awkward moment when you realize a faceless, emotionless white mannequin can pull off an outfit better than you. 

Unfortunately, this moment is even more awkward. 

Like more awkward than when Adrien tells Marinette she's just a friend after kissing Ladybug as Cat Noir. 

There's an annual Middletin tradition, apart from the Bowmen Ball, the Whites host a charity gala. This tradition consists of the eldest White being in charge of hosting the entire gala for five consecutive years until the responsibility is passed on to the next in line. This is Noelle's second time and from what I heard, she made a massive splash the first time so much so, she had her face plastered on the cover of 'The New York Times', and if you think that's enough to make me turn viridian. You're in for a whole deal more, she also had her face plastered on a billboard in the New York Times Square and an exclusive interview with Vogue. 

Now feel my envy. 

If the host is a girl Middletin goes all Sadie-Hawkins-dance mode. If the host is a guy Middletin goes all Prom-mode. See that's not the most bizarre part of the tradition or the reason why this is super awkward. I'm supposed to be asking Austin out, not the other way around, and even though we made a pact to attend every dance together and get married if we're forty and still single, we're supposed to be attending with our lover. 

"Austin will you be my date to Noelle's charity gala?" I ask, doing the honors this time. Externally I'm all bubbly cheerful and hopeful but internally- now that's a story for another day. And here I secretly hoped he'd forgotten about the gala. 

"I wish I hadn't reminded you this way", he whispers in my ear and I throw my arms around his neck. "Posters, confetti, and lots of roses", I tease, scrunching up my nose playfully. He places a kiss on my nose. "Will you do the honors of being my date to Noelle's charity gala?" I repeat. 

His lips quirk upwards into the most breathtaking smile I've ever seen and his eyes of stormy turbulent gray look like a calmer cloudy sky. "I'd love to." 

Cue sad sobs for another lifelong regret. 

I throw the last of my books into my locker, slam the door and turn around to face a bored Austin. "Let's go somewhere", he suggests. I swallow a groan- the last thing I need is to hang around Austin. 

"I can't!" I exclaim too quickly and Austin raises his brow. "Why? Something wrong?"

I shake my head. "No-not really". I toy with the hem of his shirt, at a loss for words. All I want to do is curl up in my duvet with a hot cup of cocoa and finish my homework that is if my headache allows me to. The dull throb in my skull becomes more prominent and I resist the urge to massage my temples. 

"Then why?" He inquires, oblivious to my discomfort. "It feels as of we're drifting apart as if you don't want this friendship anymore."

"I-I-I...don't know", I shrug at a loss for words. Yeah, we're friends-best friends to be exact but that doesn't mean it's a universal law to always be together. "A-List Academy is different, it's taking a toll on me and I just need a little more time to adjust", I lie. In fact, it's not all a lie sure A-List Academy is different from being homeschooled and the work isn't hard but being around people is taking a toll on me. There are so many people everywhere, it's overwhelming. Sometimes I wanna take the first flight back to my Aunt and camp on her couch for the rest of my high school years. 

He rubs his face with his hands, exasperated. "Is this about Xavier- is he the one coming in between whatever we have?" 

I click my tongue. Is Xavier Blaze going to be a new hot topic? "Why are you bringing him into this?" 

"Ever since he's come into the picture you've become distant, more distant than Jupiter." Well, some of that is true yet not all of it. It's not like I've been hanging around Xavier all the time, not like I do when I'm with Austin. Xavier is way too sexual for my taste and it's not like Xavier is always around. He's the one who comes to the dorm at midnight, never stays around for more than three hours unless he has to sleep, and hasn't really spoken to me ever since the 'incident'. 

"Can we not", I plead. "I don't want to argue with you and ruin what we have. You're the most precious friend I have- I can't lose you and I'm certain Xavier isn't the one coming between us. We just need....time to adjust. Or at least I do." 

He nods his head and with that, I send him a hurried wave and spin around. The throbbing in my head becoming a full-blown migraine as I quicken my pace. My converse beating against the marble tiles in the empty corridor lined with blue, white, and red lockers.

I can barely spend an hour around him without triggering a headache and there's no way I can risk Austin finding out I'm not taking my prescribed meds, he'd snitch, afraid I'd harm myself and land up in the hospital or worse dead. Sometimes I want to beg him to act like my best friend, not my dad. 

To top it all off, there's something peculiar about those tablets. A few days ago, Stella told me they looked like amitriptyline. This means I'm being coerced into taking the wrong medication and I doubt it's for my own good. If it was for my benefit I'm certain I'd be informed and I'm aware I'm simply cutting off my medication supply based on the mere fact that Stella declared they looked like amitriptyline.

But I need to find out exactly why I'm taking amitriptyline.