Black Sheep

Before I raid the world's supply of strawberry ice cream.

The earliest memory I have is of myself lying in a hospital bed with an overly concerned Caleb peering over my limp body. My parents were MIA. Noelle, Caitlyn, and Nora had school. Eric was too young to be in a hospital. All I saw was my 12-year-old brother staring back at me, his eyes were wide in concern and he looked like he could pass out at any second. His presence made me realize that throughout your life, you'll come across people who are there for you when they need you but when you need them, they're not. Caleb's mere presence that day made me realize that some special people in your life appear to stay and make sure that you're never alone. 

I think I found two more people like that; Austin and the most unexpected, Xavier. 

"So", he starts, sipping on his chocolate milkshake he runs a hand through his hair in a drool-worthy way. I nod in response, sipping my milkshake in tandem. "About your sister", he mutters, watching my expression and I flinch at the sudden words pouring out of his mouth like lava erupting from a volcano. 

"Yeah", I mumble in acknowledgment. He swallows, and I squeeze the fabric of my sweater, afraid of what he's going to say next, "I don't like your sister. I never did." His words cause some unexpected sense of relief to wash over me like a tidal wave. I breathe out a sigh and my death grip loosens but his next words have me watching the world in front of me shatter like glass, "I'm not the type of guy to fall in love. And I don't want to fall in love. It's too many things all at once. Love is messed up and complicated; love isn't fun it's horrid."

The same words that brought a sense of relief bring an equally overwhelming sense of heartbreak and that's when I can feel my heart physically shatter into a million pieces. So this is what heartbreak feels like? To know that your crush will never like you back because he's sworn off love. How amusing, all the nights of sitting up and hugging my pillow with a million fantasies of true love swarming my head. All those nights of doodling names and staring at the stars and making wishes. Those stupid, stupid 3 AM scenarios. 

Heartbreak seems like some cliché piece of crap, but it's not. It's more than stupid pain, it's something more than a lingering pain. The physical feeling of your heart shattering into million pieces is a thousand more times painful than feeling numb and out of tears. "Cliché much", I force a laugh but he senses it and flashes me a pinched smile.

An awkward atmosphere descends over us and I can't help but look everywhere except him. Suddenly the stains on the table are more interesting than the Ambercombie model in front of me. I swallow the lump in my throat and mirror his pinched smile. At least he doesn't know how I feel about him. In the words of Penelope Douglas 'We were perfect until we met' 

"Wanna get some ice cream?" I nearly laugh at the irony of the situation. Ice cream and heartbreak are best mates, always there for each other and here the man who broke my heart is buying me ice cream at the exact minute he tossed my heart into the paper shredder. 

"Why not?" I grab his offer. Heartbreak might be a serious bitch but nothing can make me pass an offer for food. "Strawberry ice cream please."

Xavier nods before paying for the ice cream. Should I warn him to stop me before I raid the world's supply of strawberry ice cream and end up with more sugar in my body than in Willy Wonka's factory? 

Nah, let's see how well he deals with the unpredictable. Get your popcorn ladies and gents because trying to stop me from eating is like trying to beat Usain Bolt in a race. Impossible. 

A voice snaps me out of my cunning plans, "Yo, White", it calls out, yeah it's all dreamy. Like Adrien the Fragrance. I snap my head in its direction to see Heath aka another gorgeous male specimen. His brown hair is an inch longer than before and his white glasses paired off with a sweater vest and denim making him look like the perfect Pinterest dream boy. Why the frick have I fallen for the wrong guy? 

"Heath", I call out in disbelief, my abrupt movements cause the chair behind me to fall and the sudden noise makes me flinch. I trip on the fallen chair and plummet face-first into Heath's embrace. "Well, someone's really excited to see me." I flash him an embarrassed grin and he chuckles, wrapping his arm around my waist he steadies me. "You kay?" He pegs me with a concerned look when I lift up my head to peer into his marble grey orbs. I nod, placing my arms on his chest I try to put some distance between us before my body decides to permanently glue itself to his. Not that I'd mind, Heath might not really be in the same boat as me on that one. "Thanks", I mumble shyly, untangling myself from him. 

He tucks a stray strand of my hair behind my ear and I ignore the flush crawling up my cheeks. Wow, crushing on two guys simultaneously, how Nessa Barrett of me. But then again, you only live once. "What are you doing here?" I shrug, "could ask you the same th-" before I can complete my question, Xavier's presence interrupts me. 

He not so discreetly slams the two cups on the table and flashes his best friend a glowering smile and Heath looks as confused as Mickey Mouse in Annabell. Like, bruh, I feel ya'. 

"So", Xavier raises a calculating brow at Heath's arm around my waist, "what's with all the physical intimacy?" Heath darts away as if he's been electrocuted and throws his hands up in defense, "look, man. It's not what it looks like, I was just saving her from making out with the floor. Doubt you'd appreciate that", he mumbles the last part under his breath but it's still audible and I flash him a perplexed look which he avoids. Making out with greasy tiles would've hurt less than when Xav blatantly rejected me. 

Okay- well not blatantly but I still got rejected and it's been universally acknowledged to wallow in despair when you get rejected. Xavier's bemused smirk means he's not convinced and I let out an uncomfortable laugh, "so, Heath. Wanna join us for some ice cream?" 

Heath nods, throwing me a knee-melting smile. His eyes crinkle and two prominent dimples pop out and I nearly melt like ice cream onto the white tiles below. That regretful moment when you realize that all along you were crushing on the wrong guy. "That'd be great", but Xavier's menacing expression made it hard to believe that this evening would be anything but great.