Black Sheep

Typical depression liar

I snuggle deeper into the fortress of pillows. My blankets lay on the floor and are littered with cushions and pillows of different sizes. I sit in the center of a heap of empty ice cream cartons and sad DVDs. Typical depression liar. 

The Fault in Our Stars plays on my laptop as I finish the last of my banana vanilla chocolate dip. Whoever even comes up with these names needs a raise. I wipe the stray tear on my cheek when Augustus' eulogy rolls in. Crying over sad scenes in movies makes me feel better than crying over a guy. Mascara is too expensive to be wasted on inconsequential humans so I waste them on hot fictional characters. 

Dean Cole where you at?

Xavier Emmery, you in the vicinity? 

Two knocks on my door snapped me out of my daydream. "Yeah", I croak and then flinch at the tone of my voice. Whoever will hear me will assume that I went through the breakup of the century. "Come in". 

When did a frog get stuck inside my throat? 

The door is thrown open and a disheveled Xavier walks in. His hair is tousled to perfection and bloodshot eyes scan me. His shirt is unbuttoned and lipstick marks litter his collar and neck. "Tell your sister she was a good fuck but a shitty whiner."

Something in me cracks at his words. Not because he's insulting my sister who was barely there for me when I needed her but because not only didn't he hold me back, abandon his pride, and hurt me he's also telling me that he hooks up with the White sisters daily like we're some roster he follows. 

Good morning sunshine, which White sister will it be today?

"Get lost", I croak. Damn you, stupid frog, get out of my throat. Xavier does the opposite and sits beside me. He leans forward and grabs the spoon and the ice cream tub. 

My food!

I would go to war for food so naturally, I grab it back till we're both playing an unfairly intense game of tug and war over ice cream. Xavier Blaze is more exasperating than those Ads on Youtube. "Give it to me", I snarl, tugging it before Xavier effortlessly pulls it back. 

The smirk ghosting on his lips makes it evident he's enjoying this more than he should. "Fine", I release the ice cream tub and hand him a spoon before fishing another tub of ice cream out from the mini-fridge beside me. Xavier's brows shoot to his hairline and I smirk. No one, absolutely no one, steals my ice cream. I always have more. 

Xavier and I eat spoonfuls of the icy delicacy in silence while the movie plays. Our proximity sends shivers down my spine as I can feel the heat radiating from his body and the subtle brushes of his knee against mine. From my peripheral, I can see the way his eyes focus on the screen in front of him, his gorgeous features contorted into a concentrating expression, the way his blond locks are soft against the skin of his forehead and nape, and the constant thrumming of his fingers against the empty ice cream tub. 

"Take a picture, it'll last longer", he inches closer until he's consuming my personal space,  his lips are mere millimeters away with a dangerous smirk playing on them. It takes two to tango bish, "I would but flash photography scares animals." 

His smirk drops and the next second he's violently coughing. I rub his back, yeah, dude choked on air. "Really?" he wheezes and I hum in affirmation. He grabs my wrists when I reach over to hand him water and pulls me into his lap. "Can animals do this?" He mutters, pressing kisses on my fingertips and down the back of my hand. I raise a brow at him, "yeah- well- they-" I bite my lip before shaking my head. 

Animals lick, not kiss. 

I swallow audibly as his lips trail up my and blue eyes pierce mine. I wince shaking off the incoming headache as pain shoots through my head. Where are his contacts? Xavier who senses my discomfort loosens his grip on my wrists and begins to soothingly massage my temples. "I bet animals can't do this", he mummers in my ear, his hot breath fanning the side of my neck and I shiver. He smirks at the goosebumps breaking out on my arm before softly biting into the area where my neck meets my shoulder. In response to the painful hiss that escapes my lips, Xavier soothingly licks the irritated skin. I fist up the fabric of his shirt and bury my head into the crook of his neck, granting him better access as he continues his pleasurable assault. 

I shouldn't be doing this.

But everyone craves something they can't have. 

The forbidden fruit always tastes better. 

Even if you end up in hell. 

Even if it destroys you, it's always better. 

And you never regret biting into it. 

You never regret disobeying the universe. 

You only crave it more. 

Xavier tastes better. 

My sweet destruction. 

I clamp my eyes shut as his lips move up my neck and smother my jaw in kisses. His blue eyes pierce mine never leaving, his lips press against my skin leaving a trail of sparks in their wake and his hands trail up my back till they're wrapped around my neck. He shifts me around, so I'm straddling him, head buried into the crook of his neck and fists tightly clutching his shirt. 

"Don't hide, sweetheart", he whispers, softly biting my earlobe and I bite my lip, swallowing the sinful sound. "I want to hear how I make you feel", he exclaims, cupping my chin and pivoting my head so his eyes are gobbling me whole. Staring into the deepest pits of my soul and making me squirm under the intensity.

"W-we sh-should stop", I blurt when he kisses the corner of my mouth. Losing my first kiss to the guy my sisters -plural sisters- are helplessly, madly in love with is not on my bucket list. 

More like on my death list. 

He narrows his eyes at me, "why?"

"Just please", I mumble back. You're seeing my sister, I don't wanna be another fling, another notch on your bedpost, I don't want to get my heart broken, I don't want to get hurt. Want me to add more to that list? The forbidden fruit tastes delicious but I'm not strong enough to face the repercussions. 

"Is it because I left you at the mall? Because you think I still like your sisters? Or do you simply not want to be with me?"

Bingo, numbers 1 and 2. Number 3?

Yeah, which sewer did that conclusion crawl out of? Or are you out of brain cells? "I left you because- Ser", he tucks a loose strand of my hair behind my ear. If I wasn't overburdened with too many emotions, I'd be squealing for I'd just experienced the clichést cliché. "I can't with normal emotions- they fuck me up", he confesses, running a hand through his blond locks I grimace at the pain in his eyes. At how broken they look. 

"You make me feel things I don't want to feel. You make me feel human. I'm not human, the furthest thing from it." I resist the urge to caress his cheek and kiss his worries away. The pain in his eyes breaks me and the tone of his voice kills me. 

"I left you because I can't stand how you make me feel and I don't like your sisters. I swear. We won't be a fl-" but I cut him short by pressing my finger against his lips. I'm sick and tired of empty promises, of people promising to stay but leaving. 

Even if my heart says yes, I don't think I'm going to let it break this early. So don't confess, don't look at me this way, don't make me feel like I'm going to regret saving myself. 

"I'm just not into you, you're boring, a time killer", I mumble, straightening my hair and plastering a bored look on my face. I watch as his eyes break and then harden. 

Just like my heart.

But it doesn't harden. 

It never does. 

It only ever breaks.