Ezra's Depression

Chapter 24

Hello people of Wattpad! Guess who's back with much more angst and sorrow and heartwarming and/or heartbreaking! My friend Matt_stuff_sk came out as bisexual very recently. Not to her parents but the strangers on the internet...under a fake name...without showing her face...at least it's some progress from the denial she has been living into these last three years. Anyway, I will be writing an LGBTQ+ story in her honor before the end of the month (and after because every months is pride month). I would love it if you guys had any recommendations or favorite couple (from a TV show or in real life) that you would like me to write about. Please give information about the couple just in case. Let the writing and exhaustion begin!

Kanan tried his best to relax, which felt almost impossible considering the circumstances. His legs were shaking nervously from where he was sitting on the waiting room. Restlessness was like a blanket, wrapping tighter and tighter around him. Three hours now. They have been operating on him for the last three hours.

He rubbed his eyes. Maybe he shouldn't had brushed Hera away  when she asked if he wanted some coffee. The rest of the crew had gone to move the Ghost to a safer place. At least that's what Hera had said. Deep down Kanan knew what she was trying to do.

Seeing how anxious Kanan was she was trying to make the others her responsibility. Take some of the weight off of Kanan's shoulders. Besides, that way he could have some time alone with Ezra when he got out of surgery. Kanan knew it was better if he was the only one here. All five of them would feel suffocating. And the others would bury the poor boy in a pile of questions.

No. No. It would be better if Kanan handled this on his own. This whole situation was his fault. If he hadn't been so blind, if he had seen doctor Lee for the monster he really was, if he had never severed his bond with Ezra, his boy would not be in surgery for the last three hours. He just wanted a proper chance to apologize to him.

He looked around the waiting room. He could feel every person's worry, their fear for their loved ones emit in the force. He wanted everyone to just leave. Because unbeknownst to them they made everything so much worse. Their feelings, through the force were pretty much 'attacking' Kanan, who was way too exhausted to raise his mental walls, and became one with his own intensifying them by 70%.

A medical droid walked out of Ezra's surgery room, with slow, almost agonizing steps. Kanan jumped up and walked towards it to meet it halfway. He walked up and crossed his arms, taking a deep, deep breath.

"Are you here for patient 24601?" (whoever gets this reference write it in the comments and you'll earn my life long respect)

"Yes. How is he?" In that moment Kanan felt like his entire world, all the composure he had managed to secure these last few hours of waiting were now hanging from a very thin thread and whatever the droid said would either cut it or strengthen it.

"I am afraid there were some...complications during the surgery?"

"Complication?" Kanan felt as if the ground underneath his feet was cracking, threatening to crumble down and swallow him whole.

"Yes, you see, he was very weak and his heart stopped a couple of times"

"It stop-stoped?" Kanan felt his mouth go dry, numb.

"But we were able to get everything under control"

Kanan's legs almost gave out. Stupid droid! Couldn't it have said that from the beginning.

"There is another surgery he has to have but we will let him rest for an hour, if you would like to see-"

"Yes, take me now" Kanan did not wait for the droid to reply and started walking down the hallway. The droid followed him, not any emotion to be shown. Not annoyance, or anger. That's what medical droids were like, he supposed. They were not supposed to have any kind of emotion. They were only supposed to operate on cold logic. Just in case they ever needed to choose between two or more patients to save.

"He came up negative for any STD" the droid explained as if it was talking about the most casual thing in the world.

"Thank the force. After everything he went through...he didn't need this too"

They stopped in front of a tightly locked door. The droid slipped the entrance card in the small opening. The door hissed open and Kanan tensed. There, across the room, he could make out Ezra's from covered in the white hospital pajamas. That was it. No turning back now.

Kanan walked forward and sat on the edge of the bed. He could feel that Ezra was not asleep, but not fully awake either. Maybe he should just let him sleep. But then again he remembered what the droid had said. His heart had stopped twice. He remembered what he was taught at the temple. Life is fleeting, things change, enjoy them while they last and be ready for when it's time to let go.

Kanan was not ready to let the kid go. Not that easily. Not without talking to him one last time. Not without getting to say goodbye. Not like he lost his master. Kanan brushed Ezra's hair, that was soaked with sweat, away from his face. His eyes opened slightly. Kanan clenched his teeth as they glazed with tears.

"Kan'n" he whimpered and smiled. His lips were trembling. Kanan did not know if it was from the intense feelings radiating for the boy laying in front of him or the tiredness he must be feeling. He could not help but reflect the smile, tearing up to.

"Hey kid" he chucked. "You gave us quite the scare there" he caressed Ezra's cheeks with his thumb and the boy closed his eyes and leaned in, desperate for even this small act of affection.

"You-you came" his voice was hoarse, strange to Kanan's ears.

"Of course I did kid. You're my-" Kanan stopped before he said the world. He wondered if he should. He felt the need to say it. Just once. Just in case he never got the chance to say it again. "You're my son"

Ezra opened his eyes. Kanan saw a couple of tears roll down. For a terrifying moment he feared he had hurt Ezra, who was still mourning for the loss of his real father. But then he felt happiness, immeasurable happiness that almost took over him radiate from the kid.

"I-" Ezra started but before he could continue the droid walked in.

"It is important for the patient to rest, I need to proceed with a sedative" it announched holding a needle. Ezra grasped Kanan's hand that was still lingering on his face and squeezed it tightly.

"I love you" he said just as the droid injected the needle.

"I love you too. I'll wait for you, okay?" Kanan replied just as Ezra's eyes closed. The older man sighed. "I'll wait for you so please, please make it. Please make it so I can make it all up to you" Kanan said, even though he knew that Ezra couldn't hear him. Still he waited there, rubbing Ezra's hand with his thumb. Brushing a hand through his hair and calming him down with the force.

Keeping everything unpleasant away from his boy's sleeping, peaceful mind. And he would wait there until they took him back to surgery. And long after.

Yep.