Ezra's Depression

Chapter 20

Ezra trembled slightly as he struggled against the restraints. It was to no avail, he knew that, but what else was he supposed to do? Wait until he was tortured to death? No he had to do something, anything. The movement was exhausting and he knew that if he kept going his body would soon just shut down. His legs and arms were aching which was natural. He was sure that they were broken just because he had broken them before, so sadly he knew exactly what it felt like.

This was it. There was no way out of it. Kanan and the others were trapped, going through the same hell he was. He was going to be tortured once again but this time no one was coming. Tears formed as the memory of his reunion with the others came back to his mind. When, even for a few moments he felt safe, truly safe and...happy. Happiness was right in front of him all along but he never saw it. He never let himself see it. He brought this to himself. This was the punishment for not appreciating what he had.

The room was getting colder and colder. Or was it him? A warning through the force. The inquisitor was getting closer. He was coming for him. The door opened and the man walked in, his golden eyes shining through the darkness of the cell. It reminded Ezra the stories he heard from merchands back on Lothal. Stories of monsters with shiny eyes, larking in the darkness, waiting for their next victim and devour it the moment they spot it.

The inquisitor was walking circles around the durasteel table. Then he stopped right in front of Ezra. He smiled.

"I can feel your fear leaking through the force"

Ezra didn't answer. He took a shaky breath as the inquisitor stepped closer. His eyes scanned Ezra from head to toe.

"I see doctor Lee has done an excellent job. Your mental shields are weak, my master will be pleased. It will not be hard for him to tear them apart completely. I would have done it myself but I just got new orders. My master needs you safe and sound. He wants to do the honors himself"

Ezra felt a tremor ran through his body. Once again he struggled against the restraints but no use. He was trapped.

The inquisitor started walking once more.

"As for your friends, fear not little orphan. I'm sure doctor Lee will take care of them just like he took care of you. If not better"

"No, please" Ezra whimpered.

"If you are a good boy. After you are trained and after you help my master, we will consider letting one of them go" the inquisitor said.

A sob escaped Ezra's mouth. This couldn't be happening. No, this was all a bad dream. It had to be. Kanan had  come to get him and he probably passed out as they were leaving. He would wake up on the Ghost and the others would be safe and-

Ezra cringed. He knew it wasn't true. This...this was true. He was trapped, his friends were trapped, he had caused all of it and as much he would like to pretend this is all just a nightmare, that everything would turn out fine. He knew that neither of those things were true. This time there was no way out.

The door suddenly opened and a storm trooper hesitantly walked in.

"Sir?"

"What is it?" The inquisitor hissed angrily.

The storm trooper took a step back. Ezra almost sympathised with him. He could feel the the trooper though the force and he was as terrified as him, if not more.

"I-It's a transmission from doctor Lee's facility on Lothal"

The inquisitor turned to the boy and smiled.

"The doctor sure works fast. He probably wants to check in, thank me for his gifts"

Ezra trembled. The inquisitor referring to his friends as doctor Lee's gifts left him with a bitter taste on his mouth and a sick feeling on his stomach. The man walked out of the door and it closed behind him. The trooper stayed a moment longer. He seemed to be looking at Ezra, thought the boy wasn't sure because of the helmet.

"You know my son would not be much older than you. They have him. Him, my wife and my daughter. They have them under supervision. It's why I had to join. I haven't seen them in years"

Ezra didn't know how to respond. He was taken aback when the trooper talked to him and he was even more taken aback by what he was saying. He always thought all troopers chose to join. That they wanted to aid to the destruction of the galaxy. He had never imagined that there were people who were forced to join. He never wanted to imagine it.

"I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm telling you this. You just-"

His voice broke.

"You just look so much like him"

Ezra sighed. This was so messed up. Everything about the empire was so twisted and messed up.

"I'm so sorry" Ezra said. "About your family"

The trooper stayed silent with his back on Ezra. Then he raised his hands to his head and took the helmet off. It was a human male, he had brown-grey hair, brown eyes and wrinkles on his face. He seemed so tired, so pained. He walked up to Ezra and squeezed his shoulder.

"I wish I could help you, but if I step out of line my family-"

"I understand" Ezra said and the trooper smiled. He put his helmet back on and walked out of the cell. He pressed the code on the panel and before he left turned to wave goodbye.

Ezra sighed as he laid his head back down. This was one of the oddest interactions he had ever had. In all the chaos of the last months it barely crossed his mind. Other people were hurting too. And it wasn't only the last couple of months. Sometimes it's so easy to forget there are human being behind those helmets. That there are faces behind them. Fathers, sons, brothers, mothers, daughters, sisters, uncles, aunts, cousins. He wondered how many of the storm troopers that had he and the crew had...killed had families. How many of them left children and partners behind. And how many of them had actually wanted to join the empire or were forced to.

It wasn't fair. Nothing was fair. The empire destroyed his life and the lives of countless others around the galaxy. Why? Why can't people see the empire for what they truly are. So many people die as a consequence of the empire's actions and so many people die fighting against it, like his parents. People that will never be acknowledged or thanked for their contribution. And Ezra had tried to take his own life and for what?

That moment, in that cell, Ezra made a promise to himself. He'd die before he helped the empire, he'd die before he was trained by the inquisitor's master, whoever he was. He'd die for what his parents and his friends believed in. He'd die for every person in the galaxy who suffered because of the empire. He'd die doing something that was worth dying for.