Ezra's Depression

Chapter 11

So, I got tagged by CrazyKeirra but I didn't do my duty. I'm sorry. I was really busy with this chapter. Also, I am so sorry it takes me so long to update. I remember three years ago when I would update a chapter every day and I question my self how I managed to pull it off. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the chapter. Sorry if the story has gotten too dark (not really sorry for that). Continue.

No ones p.o.v

Ezra was trebling hard and hugged himself tighter for warmth. He was soaked with cold water and like usual left on the refrigerator. At least that's what the other patients called it. It was a small dark room that when you enter it fills with water from floor to ceiling. Just before you drown the water gets flashed out. Then the room gets colder and colder until it stops to zero. He remembered longingly the cold showers he would take back to the Ghost. He was trying to feel anything but the pain inside him and the cold always helped a little with the numbness within. But now the cold was part of the pain. It was a reminder of the terrible reality he had put himself into. Another tremor went through his body.

Ezra always had problems with staying warm. His body heat would fall immediately during cold weather. Kanan blamed it on his lack of weight. It was one of the reasons he had put him on a more fattening diet during his time on the Ghost.

Ezra forced himself to stop thinking about Kanan. He wasn't coming back. Ezra scratched his wrists with an incredible force. If he could just manage to cut through his veins...

The door opened and two nurses with white coats rushed in. The first one kept his arms still while the other bandaged his wrists. Why wouldn't they just let him die. As quickly as they came, they left. Ezra tried to unwrap the bandaged but he had lost feeling of his fingers. His whole body was trembling so bad. He crawled in the corner of the room and could not stop the whimpers escaping his mouth.

His vision was blurry. He couldn't tell if he was tearing up or not. He was getting dizzy and his head felt heavy. He let his head rest on his knees. Memories of Kanan flashing on his mind. Kanan not letting him leave the table if he didn't finish his food. Kanan reassuring him that he wouldn't kick him out of the Ghost if he didn't do well on his Jedi training. Kanan checking on Ezra while injured on the med bay.

Ezra lifted his head momentary before dropping it again. His energy spent and the last of his strength leaving him he allowed him self the alluring luxury of unconsciousness.

Back on the Ghost

Things had almost gone back to normal. Well, not really. The ghost crew was now taking missions non-stop. When not on a mission, they were busy stealing goods from the Imperials, giving food to those in need and other morally correct stuff. They kept telling themselves various excuse for their overloaded routine. A very good one was that the rebellion against the empire was slowly and steadily growing.

They didn't want to admit that if they stopped, they would take notice of the silence around the ship. A few things had changed. Biggest change? Hera didn't let anyone inside Ezra's room. She even threw Zeb out. Having to share a room with Kanan was uncomfortable and awkward. For both of them.

Kanan tried to share a room with Hera but no matter what, their conversations always seemed to be leading up to fights.

Kanan knew the reason why. Hera missed Ezra and blamed him for leaving him behind. Kanan from the other side was devastated. He only seemed to be able to keep himself together during missions. Not having anymore the privacy to fall apart on his own room, he started taking long walks to the Capital City. But that didn't seem to help either. Everytime he was walking down a path, crossing a road or walking on an alley, he couldn't help but wonder if his padawan had been there in the past. He assumed so. Judging by Ezra's knowledge of the city.

Why haven't the hospital contacted yet? Was Ezra okay? Ever since he had broken the bond between them, cold and loneliness was constantly wrapped around his mind. Was Ezra feeling like that as well? He hoped not. He would prefer to suffer in the hands of the empire than causing pain to his padawan.

Kanan sighed. He kept walking while clenching and un-clenching his fists. He didn't realize he was heading for the ship until he was out of the city. The sun had started to set and the bright colors were reflecting on the ship's surface. Kanan just stopped and looked at it for a while. It just didn't feel like home anymore. He hadn't realized how much he needed Ezra in his life until he had to let him go.

He entered the ship, and started walking pointlessly around. As he walked through the common room, he saw Choper. The droid would usually take the chance to zap him or call him names. Now it just rolled past him, completely ignoring his existence. He started walking faster to get to his room and try to meditate the misery away.

He suddenly stopped right outside Ezra's room. He didn't know why, it was like a reflex. He turned around to face the door. He raised his hand and breathed in slowly. The door opened slowly and quietly with the help of the force. Kanan breathed out as he opened his eyes. He walked in hesitantly. The painting on the wall, of Ezra falling on Zeb made him smile a little. It was the first time in a long time. Kanan climbed up the ladder and sat on Ezra's bed.

For a little he just ran his hand through the mattress. He made a mental note to himself to buy Ezra some pajamas for when he comes back. He couldn't believe he had forgotten such a detail. They all had at least a pair of pajamas or some kind of sleep clothes. (Zeb never wears his though. He believes a warrior has to be ready at all times). Ezra never asked for pajamas. He never asked for anything.

Kanan grasped the mattress and held it tightly, his wrists trembling from the pressure. He barely noticed a shadow on the door and a green figure standing outside the room.

"Don't worry, I didn't touch anything" Kanan answered as the Twi'lek walked in.

She climbed up the ladder and Kanan moved a little so she could sit beside him. They just sat in comfortable silence for a while, reassuring one another with each other's presence. Kanan was shocked when Hera's hand slowly reached for his but he quickly tangled his fingers around hers.

"Have you heard from the hospital?"

"No. Hera it's been months and there was nothing. No messages, no updates, nothing. I-I don't know how he's doing, I don't know if he's okay. I only wanted to help him be happy but I-" Kanan squeezed Hera's hand as if his life depended on it.

Hera placed her free hand on his shoulder.

"Hey it's okay. Tell you what, tomorrow we'll go by the hospital and check on him. I really want to see him. And I bet he'll be happy to see us too" She said, her voice strangely calm and peaceful. Kanan took a moment to feel her through the force. There was a storm of emotions inside of her but still, she managed to keep it all in order. She was so calm looking, like she just had a cup of warm tea.

"He can't take visitors. They won't let us in" Kanan answered remembering what the doctor said. That he would let him know as soon as Ezra was ready.

"Are you really going to let that stop you?" Hera asked as she let her hand drop from his shoulder and laid back against the bed. Kanan chuckled and leaned back with her. They both knew that nothing would stop them from visiting Ezra tomorrow. Not even the will of the force itself.

Hope you enjoyed this chapter. If you have any recommendations for this or any other story write in the comments. I really enjoy reading your ideas. May the force be with you. Bye.