Attention Jade Tate (Rewrite)

Chapter 34

I can officially report that the rest of my mini-vacation went off without a hitch. I think our whole friend group really bonded and we are all a lot closer now. I don't even hate Archer anymore. They feel like they are family to me in a way. Friends till the end, people I can always count on. Until now I only ever felt that way about Jade.

We have inside jokes now. We can laugh at each other but at the same time stick up for one another if need be. We are comfortable with each other's personalities and even though we may argue sometimes we always know when to apologize. Friends like that are very hard to come by. Even Parece, the newest addition to our circle fits right in. I even have her number now. She texts me all the silly things Archer says and we laugh about it.

I think I really needed time away from home, away from Jade. I mean seeing Jade across the street every day but never being able to talk to her, seeing her at school but hanging out with some other friends. I wish I could say I got over it, but even now it stings. Even months later from the initial burn the wound is not healed. Being here with Darleen and everyone, it was the first time I was away from Jade, that I didn't have to see her every day. It felt like a breath of fresh air, that is until she called me out of nowhere. But after I told her not to call me anymore, she didn't.

I don't know if that makes me angry or relieved. Maybe a mixture of both.

Have you ever felt that? I mean it's so hard to explain when you want someone to notice you but when they finally do it's not what you want. To be angry at someone yet love them still. To be mad at the world, yet completely at peace with my situation. Has anyone else ever experienced this hot and cold? Surely it must be one of those universal things I talked about before, let's call the universal love law. When you love someone so much, that even hating them you still love them. That you only hate them because you love them.

Despite Darleen's protest, and quite frankly my own inner protest. I knew I had to give Jade a chance to prove herself. A chance to show me that she has changed, that she really wants to be my friend again, and not just use me to figure herself out. Everyone deserves a second chance, especially Jade Tate. Though she may have been awful sometimes, she was also so good to me. I have way more happy memories with her than I do sad or painful ones. That alone is enough to warrant a second chance. But there is a problem.

My feelings for her.

Ever since she told me she loved me it's like a hurricane is inside of me. I'm all wound up and confused. My emotions are a contradicting storm. Everything in me is at war with itself. I moved on, I gave up, I have fallen for another girl.

Haven't I?

If that were true I wouldn't be feeling like this. My heart wouldn't have leaped when she said those words. My insides wouldn't have felt all tingly. Part of me wanted to grab her right then and there and kiss her.

I don't know what to do.

Darleen and I have something special now. Sure we argue from time to time, and yes she has her faults as do I. But She loves me... like really loves me not cheap high school crush loves me. And I love her, don't I?

I know I love her more than when we first got together. I know that saying I love you to her doesn't feel like an obligation anymore, it feels like a necessity. I have to tell her, not for her reassurance, but for my own. I want her to know I care about her. I like to make her smile and laugh, but most of all I just like existing with her. I like that we can lay in silence for hours and just be content with each other's presence. I like that I don't have to ask her to do things, she just does them. I like that she gets me on a level that no one else, not even Jade has ever gotten me on.

She sees me, and for the first time, I think I see her too.

Hurting her now by running back to Jade like an idiot, I can't do that anymore. Even if it is what some part of me wants, a much bigger part cares too much about Darleen to hurt her now. I would do anything for her and I know she would do the same for me. We have trust, we have love, but most importantly we have each other.