Attention Jade Tate (Rewrite)

Chapter 40

I stared at my phone, waiting for some text or call from Darleen, but a whole day goes by and I get nothing. I texted her last night I wanted to see her, but she never responded. She left me on read.

"Do you two fight often?" Jade asks me the next day as we lay on my bed and stare at the ceiling together.

"Sometimes." I say.

"So this is normal?"

"No."

She turns to look at me.

"We used to fight a lot before..." I trial off.

"Before I left?" she finishes.

I turn to look at her and nod.

"When you were gone we hardly ever had a fight. If we did they were always small stupid fights that would be resolved within the hour. Not like this."

"I'm sorry, I never meant to get in between you two." She says.

"Yeah you did," I say plainly.

She stays silent.

"Don't deny it. You know you did." I say.

She looks away again.

"It's okay, I forgive you." I turn to face the ceiling again.

We are silent for a moment.

"I don't get it," I say. "Darleen and I... when it's good, it's so good. We are happy and everything feels perfect. But then when it's not good I just start to feel so insecure and all these things just bubble up inside of me. Doubts and questions and horrible bad thoughts. I start to wonder if it was ever good, to begin with."

"Have you ever felt that way about me?" she asks.

I turn to look at her again.

"When we fight, do ever get doubts and wonder if what we have was ever good?" she looks at me.

"No, not really."

"Not even when I left?"

"It was more about wondering what I did wrong than what you did wrong. I never thought about if what we had was good or not. I was more frustrated and confused than anything else. Darleen and my mom helped me to see just how toxic things were between us."

"Do you ever wonder if I am a good person?"

"Why are you asking me this?"

"You keep saying Darleen is a good person, that she makes you happy that I wonder what you compare her to. If you are comparing how I make you feel versus how she makes you feel. It may come as a shock to you Skylar but I care about what you think of me. A lot."

"Nothing compares to you," I say.

"Is that a good or bad thing?"

I pull her into my arms and bury my face in her shoulder. I see her blush.

"It's just a fact," I mumble into her shoulder.

She takes a shaky breath.

"It's been so long since you've held me like this." She says softly.

I move to pull away but, "Don't." she grabs my arms and stops me.

I wrap my arms tighter around her and breathe her in.

"Darleen's an idiot, if I were her I'd do anything to have your arms around me all the time." She says.

"Sometimes I wish things turned out differently between you and me," I say.