GerUk/GerEng Collection

Endless Cycle

The first thing England noticed when he first awoke was the pounding migraine at the front of his head. The next was the soft, but sturdy thing he was laying against. Both quickly became a reason to just stay there and fall back asleep. Unfortunately, whatever he was laying on had other plans, moving slightly, disrupting him.

Having some will to move, he got up from his position to come face to face with a wide-eyed Germany. His hair was messy and slightly tangled and his cheeks were dusted a light pink. His blue eyes sparkled in the morning sun that peeked through the curtains. In the early morning light, he looked so gentle as opposed to his usual, intimating look making England's face heat up. A small smile made its way onto England's face, however. "Well, I've woken up to-"

"I'll go make breakfast."

"But your hangover."

"I'm fine."

England decided not to push anymore, not wanting to make Germany more uncomfortable than he already was. Instead, he decided to make himself useful and find some aspirin for the both of them. He had become accustomed to Germany's house considering how often he had been coming over in recent years. He knew exactly where the bathroom was and which cabinet held all the medicine (after all it wasn't the first time he had woken up at Germany's with a massive hangover). Once he found what he was looking for, he returned downstairs to the kitchen where Germany was already starting breakfast. The way he winced every now and then made it clear his migraine was still at full force.

After taking his own, England laid one of the pills on the counter beside the stove where Germany was working alongside a glass of water. "Here, for your headache. And don't try to deny it, I saw you wincing just now."

"Fine," Germany huffed. He grabbed the glass and medication, downing them quickly.

"So what are you making?" England asked, peeking over the German's shoulder to see what's in the pan.

"Scrambled eggs and sausage."

"Should have guessed," England said with a laugh, "we always end up like this huh?"

"Mmm."

"Do you need any help?"

Germany shot him a glare and that was enough of an answer. Knowing he wasn't going to get a conversation out of the other man, he decided to head to the dining room to wait. At least he was greeted by the friendly faces of Germany's three dogs. "At least I've got you three to keep me company," England sighed, crouching down to pet each one.

It always ended like this. The two would have a night of drinks and laughs, enjoying each other's company, and end up waking up the next morning cuddled up to each other. England would be lying if he said he didn't get a giddy, warm feeling every time, but the way Germany would become cold after these moments left him hurt. Normally he would brush off such behaviour often becoming distant and cold himself, but with this man, England found himself unable to even when he tried. It confused him at first, but after a decade of this, he finally was coming to terms with it: he loved Germany.

He valued his and Germany's relationship unlike any of his others. He even willingly walked into this cycle of drinking, cuddles then being pushed away once they were sober even though it hurt him in the end. Just a little taste of intimacy even if it was followed by what England was beginning to understand as heartbreak was better than nothing. He could always say something about it, after all, he had become quite comfortable around the German, but at the same time, that was a whole other level of vulnerability that he wasn't ready for.

The clattering of a plate being placed in front of him pulled England out of his thoughts. He looked up to meet Germany's intent gaze that lingered longer than it was probably meant to. "Is everything alright?" Germany asked, taking a seat across from him.

"Ah...y-yeah. Just waiting for the medication to kick in."

Germany gave him a curt nod before digging into his food. With not much else to do, England did the same.

When they finished their meal, the air became tense as the two exchanged awkward looks. When Germany got up to collect their dishes without a word, something in England snapped. "You know, I don't necessarily hate these mornings. So you needn't worry so much about them."

Germany's eyes went wide and he almost dropped the plate he was holding. A pit formed in England's stomach. Perhaps he had been too honest, perhaps he just laid all his feelings out and Germany now knew. He may have just pushed him away further.

"I-I-I don't mind them either," Germany finally said, his voice timid and gentle compared to its normal abrasiveness.

"Then why do you do this?" England countered even though he knew he was only digging himself a hole he didn't want to be in.

"Huh?"

"Brush me off. Stare at me awkwardly. P-Push me away. I...I...I hate it." And he hated himself for saying all that. Despite the damage to his pride and growing embarrassment, he stared straight at the German, needing the answer.

"Arthur...I..."

"Just forget about," England scoffed.

"No. Y-You're hurt-"

"I wouldn't say I'm hurt."

Germany let out an annoyed sigh, "fine, but it clearly bugs you in some way. And for that I'm sorry. It's just...I...I'm not...feelings aren't easy for me and part of me was worried about making you uncomfortable. I guess I really misread that last one. I'm sorry."

England's face softened. "Thank you...and...I'm sorry too. I-I should have been upfront sooner and maybe we could have avoided both feeling like shit." A small smile made its way onto Germany's face which led to the Brit's own. "With that out of the way," England quickly said, "I'll help you with dishes."

"Okay."

And so the two friends returned to some semblance of normalcy, way quicker than normal. England didn't like getting his hopes up, but deep down he was pretty sure he had finally broken the cycle. Now he just had to sort out if his love was worth pursuing. But then again, that could always be tomorrow's problem. Right now, he was here with Germany, laughing, smiling, and talking about whatever came to their minds and nothing was more valuable.