GerUk/GerEng Collection

To the Future

Hws Rarepair Week Day 2: Hurt/Comfort

CW: Poor coping mechanisms, heavily implied alcoholism, self-loathing, mental health struggles (and I think that's it. If I need to tag anything else, let me know). 

It seemed like the perfect surprise. Ludwig had been given the Friday off for his hard work this week, and what better way to spend this free day than by heading to England early and surprising Arthur?

As soon as he arrived in London, he picked up some flowers before heading over to Arthur's flat (hopefully, the Brit hadn't already taken off to his cottage in the country). He knocked on the door but didn't get an answer. He tried again but was still met with silence. Ludwig had a sinking feeling in his stomach. Though he would much rather have Arthur invite him in, Ludwig was given a spare key for a reason.

"I'm sorry," Ludwig began as he entered the living room, "I knocked but–"

Arthur looked over at him in horror. His hair was a mess, his eyes were glassy and unfocused, and his hands were shaking badly. The room reeked of alcohol. The garbage bag in Arthur's hand explained the smell as it was filled with beer bottles.

The Englishman winced as Ludwig made his way over to him. He squeezed his eyes shut as Ludwig approached, waiting to be yelled at, lectured, or any kind of punishment really. He messed up big time and he knew it, and the last person he wanted to see him this broken was coming closer.

But there was no yelling, no lecture, and instead, Arthur was pulled into a tight hug. It was so warm, loving, and comforting. For a moment everything felt okay. But his pounding head and the garbage bag weighing him down quickly brought him back to the messy, ugly reality he was in. Arthur tried to pull away before he completely broke down, but Ludwig was persistent, only holding him tighter.

It was all too much. His headache, his uneasy stomach, the mess he had made the night before, and worst of all Ludwig's affection despite him having every right to be angry were all suffocating. But he was also tired, and after a few minutes of struggle, he gave in, legs buckling, leaning against Ludwig for support. Next thing he knew, they were sitting on the floor, Arthur in Ludwig's arms.

As if pouring salt into Arthur's already wounded psyche, Ludwig began to sniffle. Arthur felt warm tears against his shoulders. Ludwig was crying. Because of him. The pain of the hangover was soon forgotten and was instead replaced with overwhelming guilt and self-loathing. No matter what Arthur did, he always seemed to hurt people

"I'm sorry," Ludwig choked, pulling Arthur closer, "I'm so sorry."

Arthur quickly wiped away the tears forming in his eyes before facing his lover head-on. "You have nothing to apologize for," he stated intensely, "I should be apologizing to you."

Ludwig wiped his eyes. "Sorry..."

"Stop apologizing." Arthur rested his head on Ludwig's shoulder. "I'm the one who's fucked up, not you."

"Arthur..."

"And right now, I'm being selfish, holding onto you like this when you shouldn't be anywhere near me less I bring you down with me."

"Arthur."

The Brit's throat began to tighten. "I knew from the beginning that I didn't deserve you, and this just–"

"Arthur!" Ludwig shouted, taking Arthur's shoulders and pushing him up so he could look right into his eyes. Arthur froze. "First, don't ever talk like that about yourself," Ludwig said gravely, "Second, please get help. For it all. I've been there, and I know it isn't easy. But you were the one to encourage and support me. Now it's my turn to do the same."

That made Arthur break. All the weight, the pain, and the thoughts that had been weighing on him for years were all released in gut-wrenching sobs. Ludwig continued to hold him, rubbing up and down his back, letting him cry it out.

"I'll clean the rest up," Ludwig said as Arthur began to calm down, "You go get something for your hangover."

"Okay." Arthur rose, legs shaking slightly, but he made it to the bathroom and took some aspirin. He took a moment, slinking to the floor and finishing his water until he felt calm enough to face Ludwig again. As the medication set in and the water cooled him down, Arthur felt his mind become clearer and his shoulders a little less weighed down.

When he returned to the living room, Arthur found it spotless. Leave it to Ludwig to put everything in its place in a matter of minutes. He had even had time to make tea given the two steam mugs that were laid out on the coffee table. How Arthur had landed such a wonderful boyfriend was still lost to him. He quickly shook that thought from his mind; he didn't want to make Ludwig upset again. He took his seat, cuddling into Ludwig's side as he drank his tea.

They didn't speak, leaving Arthur with his thoughts. But this time, with Ludwig's hand running up and down his side and grounding him, he wasn't thinking of all his mistakes or the sorrows of the past. For the first time in a long while, he was thinking about the future and how he would do everything to ensure that Ludwig would not have to worry about him. He'd reach out, he'd go to therapy, maybe even rehab or something similar, all so Ludwig could sleep easy.