GerUk/GerEng Collection

For You, I'll Try

Author's Note: Arthur is not having a good time. CW for mental health struggles and self-loathing.

Ludwig: Arthur, you're scaring me. Where. Are. You?

Arthur had been staring at that message for what felt like hours (despite it being only ten minutes). He should have told Ludwig he couldn't come to the party; he should have given the excuse that he was sick. But every time he thought about writing that message, Arthur's stomach twisted painfully, and he couldn't bring himself to type anything. So instead, he spent the evening in bed, ignoring all his messages. That was until half an hour before midnight. Finally having found the energy to check at least his messages from Ludwig, Arthur had rolled over to the nightstand and grabbed his phone. As all the notifications popped up, Arthur felt the little energy he had leave him, which was why he now felt trapped staring at Ludwig's last message.

Arthur felt his throat go tight and his eyes burn. As much as Arthur tried to hate the world and how, with every passing year, his life seemed to grow more pointless, Ludwig was the one thing that kept his mind from wandering too far into those dark thoughts. But for as much as Ludwig made him happy, Arthur couldn't help but feel like a burden. Maybe that was the reason he couldn't bring himself to message his lover; He didn't want Ludwig to see him like this and exhaust himself trying to make Arthur feel better. Ludwig couldn't always be there to save him.

He was about to put his phone back on the nightstand, but then it started ringing. It was Ludwig. Calling him. Arthur let out a strangled cry as he fumbled with the phone, debating if he should pick up. In the end, fate seemed to decide as Arthur accidentally hit the accept button. He froze, holding his breath, not daring to speak and risk spilling his guts right then and there to Ludwig. No, he could get through this rough patch alone.

"Hello?" Ludwig's voice came over the line, "Arthur? Are you there?"

"Y-Yes," Arthur replied quietly.

"Thank God. What's going on? Where are you right now?"

Arthur swallowed hard, trying to keep his overwhelming emotion out of his words. "I'm home."

"Why?"

Arthur couldn't hold back anymore and let out a small sniff.

"Arthur?" Ludwig asked, voice soft and caring. That was all it took to break down Arthur's walls.

"I don't know..." Arthur choked out, "I just...I-Its...I don't even know anymore. I've felt like crap all day, and I just...I'm tired...I'm so tired."

"It's one of those days I see."

Arthur took in a deep breath, feeling so embarrassed for losing it there for a second. "I'm fine," he whispered, though it wasn't at all convincing.

"I'm in a cab now and heading to your house."

"Ludwig you don't-"

"Do you know how scared I was having not heard from you all day? " Ludwig interjected. He took a deep breath before continuing, "I knew something was wrong. This had been brewing for a while, and I should have come over sooner. But that doesn't matter now. You're okay, more or less, and I'm on my way over."

"Ludwig..."

"I'll see you soon...I love you."

Arthur sat there for a moment, those last three words knocking all the breath out of his lungs. But before he could reply, Ludwig had hung up.

It was midnight when Arthur heard a knock at the door. After Ludwig's call and a bit of crying, Arthur had worked up enough energy to make it to the living room. At the knocking, he shuffled over to the door to open it up, relieved to find Ludwig standing there. Emotions and thoughts still waging war in his head, Arthur let himself fall against Ludwig's chest, arms wrapping around said man's waist. God, he felt pathetic letting Ludwig see him so broken. And over what? Arthur still didn't have a clear answer.

"Arthur?" Ludwig called softly after a moment, "Can I come in?"

"Oh yes. Of course." Arthur pulled away quickly and started heading towards the living room. He wiped away the tears that were starting to form.

The two took a seat on the couch, Arthur slumping against Ludwig. His unfocused gaze found the face of the grandfather clock that stood against the farthest wall in his living room. His body started feeling heavy again as he watched the second hand tick by. It served as a blaring reminder that everything seemed to be moving quickly and Arthur couldn't keep up, that everything was changing, and with each passing year, his purpose in life was slowly eroding away. Finally, Arthur realized what was eating at him.

"Arthur?" Ludwig's voice pulled Arthur out of his thoughts. "Hey...Hey now," he said gently, " It's...I-It's going to be okay." His hand brushed against Arthur's cheek, wiping away the tears that were starting to fall.

"I'm sorry...I just...It's a lot you know?" Arthur said with a shaky breath. "Time just...Just keeps on. Things are constantly changing, and everything is moving so fast, and I..."

"Can't keep up?"

"Yeah...And then I'm left feeling useless and..."

"You're not useless," Ludwig interjected, perhaps a little too harshly. "You...I mean...Sure things have changed, especially for you, and our duties as nations are slowly diminishing, but...I need you. You were my rock when I needed it most, and even now, you're there for me. You make sure I'm not overworking myself. On stressful nights, it's you and your voice that puts me at ease and lets me sleep. You taught me how to have a life outside work. I love you Arthur, and you love me. That's enough. More than enough. You're good enough. You're useful. And you don't have to go through any of this alone."

Arthur took a moment, processing what Ludwig said. Once he did, he still was at a loss of what to say. "Thank you," he choked out.

"I'm sorry...I made it worse, didn't I?"

Arthur shook his head. "No...No...I think I needed to hear that."

Ludwig gave him a warm smile. "Good. Now before we move on, can you promise me one thing?"

"That depends," Arthur replied, giving his lover a skeptical look.

"Please call the therapist tomorrow."

"Ludwig–"

The German gave him a hard look, making Arthur shrink back. "Promise me."

"Okay. Okay...I'll try."

Ludwig's gaze softened. "I'm sorry," he said, taking hold of Arthur's hand, "I just don't want to see you hurting."

"I know," Arthur assured him, cupping Ludwig's cheek with his free hand. "And for you...I-I'll try."

Ludwig placed a gentle kiss on Arthur's brow, pulling the Brit closer to his side. "Thank you."

In the quiet of the night, Arthur listened to his lover's heartbeat, desperately trying to drown out that dreaded ticking of the clock. Luckily, Ludwig had picked up on the discomfort. Pulling out his phone, he put on one of their favorite playlists, and soon, the room was filled with all of Arthur's favorite songs and Ludwig's soft humming. Arthur felt his eyelids droop after a few songs, his exhaustion catching up to him.

He had almost fallen asleep when he felt Ludwig pick him up. Too tired and too comfortable in the German's arms, Arthur allowed himself to be carried all the way back to bed.