Love and War

14: Anastasia

* sorry for the extra long chapter

Anastasia's POV:
"Can't sleep either?" Landon asked.

I poked the fire with the little stick I found in the dirt. Jonah slept across from me, his back facing me. Landon sat down beside me.

"Just not tired I guess." I said which was a lie because my muscles were aching. But I just couldn't find myself to lie down and sleep. My mind won't rest.

The face of that man won't leave my mind. It doesn't matter that he was a bad man and that he wanted to kill me.

I killed him.

He probably had family or someone that cared about him.

I don't. I could've let him kill me and nobody would even care. I don't even know why I didn't let him kill me.

So I could go back to my miserable cabin in the woods?

So I could go back to redwood where I had a sort of family but... that wasn't home either.

So I could keep running?

I shook my head. No. I killed him to survive so I could live. Yes, so I could live.

"It's always like that when you kill someone for the first time..."

"It wasn't my first time." I mumbled. It's true it wasn't. My first kill was when I was 16. It was horrible I couldn't sleep for weeks. But how else was I to survive this long?

"You and Jonah? Have you been friends long?" I asked wanting to change the subject.

"Yes. I've been his advisor for many years now. When I turned 20 I became his advisor. He was only 15 but we became friends quickly and now I don't think I'd want to serve any other royal."

Wow since he was 15 then they've known each other for a long time.

About 10 years because Jonah's 25 now.

"Really? Wow." I said. He nodded. "Well has he always been this way?"

He chuckled. "Not really. Jonah was a happier person once upon a time. Until his father ruined that... I had just become his advisor when his father took him and his younger brother Dimitri to an execution." His face turned sad and contemplative. "It was horrible. They were so young yet they were publicly forced to kill prisoners. I was horrified and couldn't do a thing. Dimitri did it, maybe he didn't realize the consequences considering he was only 11 but Jonah refused and defied his father. Jonah paid the price and I could still hear his screams as his father punished him in his office that night."

What father could do that to their children?

He was just a kid him and his brother. Their childhood was just taken away from them. Their innocence and purity, just like that.

I could never imagine having to live with that.

I looked at Jonah who slept peacefully. How he managed to sleep that way...

"His brothers and him don't get along much. I'm probably the closest thing to a brother he has. But only a bit because he knows I work for him. Dimitri became full of hatred and he channels that into his fighting... he's one of the best warriors out there. Maddox does whatever he wants and doesn't care about a thing. He's never around anymore. Trojan the youngest is the only one that their father didn't get to. For whatever reason he was spared from the killing and from the abuse... their mother, the queen did nothing the whole time."

My heart broke for him.

His family is horrible and dysfunctional. I remember my family and my parents were fair and loving. I wish now more than ever that they were here with me. Hearing these horrible things... it makes me more appreciative even if they aren't here anymore.