Dying on the inside || Lashton

4

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Ashton let out a sob. Calum knows too. This can't be happening. Soon Michael will know, and a fan is bound to find out. He can't let that happen.

Calum and Luke had gone to get dinner for the four of them, so ashton was alone. He was currently trying to wash the blood off himself and the floor where he had his panic attack.

He scanned the cuts he had made. The deep one could get infected, so he bandaged it, just incase. He looked into the mirror. His tear-stained cheeks almost made him laugh. He was pathetic. At least in his mind. Ashton knew he had thousands of fans who loved him, and three band mates who love him and care for him just as much.

But how? How can someone love him when he can't even love himself? His own father didn't love him enough to stay with him. He probably doesn't even know that his son is famous.

He shook his head, stepping out of the bathroom. He ran a hand through his hair in frustration. What was he supposed to do?

He groaned, walking across the hall to Calum and Michael's room. He might as well sit and talk to mikey while he waits for dinner.

He opened the door and walked over to where mikey sat on the bed, phone in his hand.

He sat down next to him. Michael looked up and smiled. "Hey ashy, what's up?"

"Nothing much, what are you doing?" Ash looked over at his phone.

"Oh, I'm stalking fans on Twitter. Even surprising them with a follow when I don't even seem active." He laughed.

"Haha, so what are Luke and Cal getting for dinner?" Ashton said out of curiosity.

"Jeez, you have a lot of questions tonight. I think they're getting pizza, which I'm extremely happy about."

Ash smiled, taking out his phone. He opened up instagram, checking on a few of his followers. He went down the list, knowing the newest followers were either fake fans or very new to the fandom.

Instead, he went about mid way, and checked on the sweethearts that always left comments, and dmed him a couple times, and the ones who smile in their most recent selfies.

They were all so cute. That's why he loved the fans. Some scared him, but for the most part, they were some
Of the nicest people on earth.

There was a knock on the door, and ashton ran to get it. Michael stared at the door with intensity, waiting for his pizza.

Ash let cal and luke inside, closing the door behind them.

"Damn, there's still a ton of fans outside!" Calum said, exasperated.

Mikey giggled. "They just wanna meet us."

"The problem is there's too many to meet in an hour or so. I feel horrible. I don't want them to have to pay to meet us. But I want them to meet us. I wanna make them happy." Ashton said.

"It happens, Ash. We'll meet them all someday." Calum looked at ashton.

" I know." Said ash. "I just feel bad for who I'm letting down right now."

The boys nodded, feeling the same way.

Michael opened the pizza box, taking out a slice. They all followed his action, each eating their pizza in silence.

Ash got up, going to toss my paper plate out.

"Ashton, what are you doing? You always eat more than one slice of pizza." Luke looked confused.

Ashton gulped, turning back around. He didn't want to tell them he was sick to his stomach from nerves. "I-I'm just not hungry." He gave Luke a fake smile.

Luke didn't believe it, but let it go, figuring he would deal with it later.

Ashton plopped down at the desk in the corner, away from the other boys who were on the the couch.

Luke smiled at ash, letting him know he's there for him. Ashton gave a timid smile back, knowing what it ment.

Calum cleaned up the mess in the room from the pizza.

Mikey climbed onto his bed, yawning. "I'm going to sleep. Don't be too loud. G'night."

Calum practically shooed Luke and Ashton out, not wanting to wake Mikey.

Ashton stared at Luke like he was his life. Luke turned to look at him.

"Ashton, are you okay? I don't want to go back to the hotel room if you're going to hurt yourself." Luke said sincerely.

Ashton looked away. "Uh, yeah. I'm just tired."

"Tell me the truth." Luke grabbed his shoulder.

"I-I'm scared. I'm scared of what will happen. If Mikey knows, then some fan is bound to find out. And then the twitter universe will know, and then so will the 5th harmony fans who terrorized me already. Imagine what they'll do when they find out I'm back at it?" Ashton sniffled.

Luke gave him a sad look, pulling him into a hug, and ashton broke. Ashton sobbed into Luke's shoulder, not letting go.

Luke shuffled towards the hotel room, getting the both of them inside before throwing his stuff on the table and sitting ash down on the bed.

He threw on sweatpants and a t-shirt and climbed onto Ashtons bed.

Luke laid down, pulling ash with him. He pulled ashton in towards him, having him sob into his chest.

"Shhhh, it's okay. It won't happen." Luke ran his fingers through Ashton's hair.

"H-how do y-you know?" He asked between sobs. He clung to Luke like he was afraid he would leave.

"Because I won't let it." Luke kissed his forehead. "Now go to sleep. It'll be okay in the morning."

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A/n: is this story really bad? Should I quit? Idk... I really like it but I feel like no one else does.

Anyway, thoughts on Ashton having anxiety about what might happen?

Luke trying to comfort him?

Calum acting like nothing happened?

Michael not knowing? And ashton being afraid to tell him?

Ashton having a breakdown?

Ashton not eating?

And please give me feedback?¿

Love you all,
~Abby 🌚💖