Dying on the inside || Lashton

7

They had an interview today, and the boys sat together on the couch provided, but there was something a bit different.

Ash and luke had sat next to each other, and the hands next to each other could not be seen.

The fans couldn't prove it, but they were almost positive that they were holding hands.

Infact, even Calum and Michael kept looking over to see if they were.

But despite proof, they were. Maybe it was luke comforting ashton because of the panic attack he had before the interview because he forgot his sweatshirt. Maybe it was ashton being jumpy, so holding Luke's hand calmed him down.

Or maybe it was the start to a beautiful relationship.

~*~

The boys had just gotten back into the tour bus. They were leaving this afternoon.

Ashton threw himself into the couch with a sigh. Luke came over and sat next to him. Absentmindedly, ashton fell over, putting his head in Luke's lap. Luke smiled, placing one of his hands in Ashton's hair.

Michael, from his bunk, watched.

"Calum." He whispered.

"Hmm?"

"Cal, look at this." Michael pointed.

Calum looked over, and gasped. "Ohmygod, they're so cute." He stared for a minute. "Do you think they'd kill me if I took a picture and tweeted it...?"

Michael's eyes went wide. "You idiot, don't do that! So many things could go wrong there!"

Calum laughed, causing the boys on the couch to look over.

Calum and Michael dove into their bunks, acting like they weren't watching, but luke had caught them.

"What are you doing?" Luke asked.

Michael coughed, and Calum sucked air in.

Ashton sat up, and Calum's face fell.

"Lukey, they were watching us." Ash giggled.

Calum blushed, and michael nodded.

Luke blushed, knowing it was true.

"So... Is lashton real...?" Calum asked, sounding just like a fan.

Ashton blushed, and luke jumped, startled by the question.

"Wha- I- no, I don't think so." Luke panicked.

Ashtons face fell. His heart broke into a million little pieces.

Luke got up and walked to his bunk, above Calum's.

Ashton swallowed hard, realizing that Luke probably meant what he said. He wasn't into ash like that, was he? He was probably just into girls.

Ashton shrugged. He fell back and laid down on the couch again.

Calum looked upset too. It was as if luke had just said his mom died or something. Everyone was silent and upset.

Except luke, he was being really awkward and fiddling with everything.

He was still panicking. Luke loved ash, but he didn't know if it was the was where he wanted to date him. It was more of a protection over ashton. He didn't want anyone to lay a finger on him at all. He hated seeing ashton hurt. It was as if ashton was a younger brother to him, and it made him so upset when he harmed himself. He wanted to make everything right.

But he didn't know if he could. How could he fix everything for the poor boy who couldn't find happiness on his own?

~*~

They arrived at the hotel at 4 in the morning. There were no fans outside the hotel because of the early hour.

They brought their stuff inside, checked in and walked up to the rooms.

Ashton and Luke took their room across from cals and mikes.

Once inside, ashton sat down on the bed, looking at luke with sad eyes.

Luke sighed, looking back at ashton.

"I- ah- im sorry ash, I panicked. I honestly don't know my feelings, okay?" He looked at the ground.

Ashton, startled by the apology, smiled. "It's okay luke, I didn't expect you to say yes, haha."

"So why do you- wait, give me your wrist." Luke said, jumping to the conclusion of why ashton was sad.

Ashton jumped. "What?"

"You heard me." He responded. He had saw ashton go to the bathroom at about 1 am and not come back for about 20 minutes.

Ashton panicked, knowing what luke knew. "I- im so sorry, I know I promised I just-"

Luke had enough, and grabbed Ashton's wrist. He pulled up his sweatshirt sleeve, revealing the eight marks from the night before and the five from just three hours ago.

"God damn it ashton, can't you see you don't need to do this?" Luke's eyes brimmed over. "I fucking care about you. You could've talked to me. I- you have no clue how upset this makes me." Luke pulled at his hair, frustrated.

"I- luke, im so sorry. I didn't- you seemed like you didn't want to talk to me." Ashton cried.

"What about the other eight? How long ago were those? Why didn't I know?" Luke was almost yelling now.

"They're from last night.."

"Why? What the hell ashton? I was with you? When- how did you do that without me knowing?" Luke was frustrated with himself more than with ashton now.

"Well, you were asleep and I didn't want to  bother you. It didn't feel okay."

"Well it's perfectly fine to wake me up if the other option is ripping your skin apart ashton!" Luke exclaimed.

Ashton stayed silent, not looking at luke as his tears fell.

"Look, I'm not mad at you, I'm upset with myself, I should've been there for you. I'm so damn sorry that you feel this badly." Luke's tears fell. "It's okay, just- please, talk to me next time, okay? Promise me you will."

"I- I guess so."

"No, you will."

"Luke-"

"Ashton, promise me right now." Luke lifted ashton's face so he was looking into his eyes.

"I-I promise." Ash sniffled.

"Thank you." Luke whispered, pulling ashton into a hug, and not letting go.

"N-no, thank you lukey, you make my life so much better. So thank you."

_____________________

SHABDNALBDKWD I SWEAR I PUBLISHED THIS TWO NIGHTS AGO BUT APPARENTLY I DIDNT AND I JUST SAVED IT SO IM VVVV SORRY THIS IS LATE 😭

thoughts? On anything bc im too late to ask questions yall never answer anyway.

Love you all (:

~Abby ☁️🌙😌