Dying on the inside || Lashton

13

(trigger warning [this entire book should be a trigger warning oH])
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waking up the next morning was painful for Ashton. he slowly opened his eyes, his body still pressed into Luke's body. He let out a sigh, remembering the night before. his head ached from crying so much, and his wrist stung against the fabric of Luke's t-shirt. Ashton felt awful. he slowly untangled himself from Luke, standing up and walking into the bathroom of their small hotel room. he quietly shut the door, and turned to look into the mirror. he let out another sigh and leaned against the sink. he stared at his reddened eyes, and his sunken in cheeks. he just looked... sad.

Ashton shook it off, running a hand through his hair, and splashed water on his face before checking his wrist. he cringed looking at the deep red marks upon his tanned skin. slowly, he touched two fingers to his wrist, and sucked in a breath in pain. yeah, this was bad. they were deep. not deep enough for stitches, but deep enough to take more than a few weeks before becoming light pink or white. Shaking his head, he ran the sink to clean out his wounds.

After painfully washing out his cuts, he bandaged them, and he exited the restroom. Luke was still sleeping, but Ashton decided it was time to get ready. he opened up his suitcase and grabbed a pair of ripped black skinny jeans, a black muscle tee and his leather jacket. he quickly changed, and threw his sweats and tank he slept in back into his suitcase. he pulled himself onto the counter to sit, and pulled out his phone while waiting for Luke to wake up.

There was a notification of a text from calum, asking if he and Luke wanted to grab breakfast with he and Michael. He quickly responded with a yes, and hopped off the counter to wake Luke. he slowly shook him awake, which Luke wasn't too happy about.

"Whaaaat...?" Luke whined as he turned over, away from ash.

"Mike and cal wanna go get breakfast before we hit the road, cmon, get up."

"is there food involved?"

"Luke... we're getting breakfast. I think that's a yes."

Luke groaned, sitting up. "Fine, lemme throw on some clothes and we can go meet them." He climbed out of bed, and threw on some clothes that probably weren't clean. Luke really didn't care.

After grabbing his wallet and his phone, Luke grabbed Ashton's hand and they left the room together. They walked down the hall and stepped into the elevator. As the elevator descended, Luke planted a kiss on Ashton's forehead, and ash beamed.

When they reached the lobby floor, the elevator dinged, and Luke dropped Ashton's hand. Ashton's face fell, but pretended like he didn't mind. They weren't out yet, they couldn't hold hands. they stepped out into the lobby and met up with Michael, who was sprawled out on one of the couches half asleep, and calum, who was sitting all the way forward in a chair next to Michael.

Calum stood up, and gave Michael a shove to wake him up so the boys could get going.

"So, where are we headed?" Ashton asked quietly. He was slowly starting to regret agreeing to this, unsure if he could eat a whole breakfast in public. Anxiety was getting to him.

"There's an IHOP down the street, but it might be crowded, and fans would find us." Calum said.

Ashton began to shake his head. He didn't want these three watching him eat, let alone a swarm of fans.

"Yeah, that works for us." Luke said, not even stopping to ask ash at all.

Wow, thanks. Let me just have an anxiety attack. Don't think about it, no it's fine. Ashton thought nervously. He clung to Luke's shirt as they walked outside to go to the restaurant. Luke turned and looked at Ashton. "You okay?"

"Y-yeah, I'm alright. just abbot anxious." Ashton responded, picking at the end of his nails.

"Relax, it'll be fine. It's just breakfast with the boys, and maybe we'll see a few fans. We love our fans." Luke smiled, taking Ashton's hand.

Ashton nodded, slowing his breathing a bit. This was going to be okay. He could do this.

~*~

After all of Ashton's stress and anxiety, breakfast went fine. It was quick, they had great service, fans only approached before and after they ate, being respectful to the fact that they just wanted a meal. Ashton just ate two pancakes and had a glass of apple juice, but it was something, and something he enjoyed.

Now, ash and Luke laid cuddled down in the hotel room bed during their last three hours in this city before they had to get on a bus for the next stop. Ashton was thinking a lot about the fans since this morning. They loved their fans. They deserved to know as much as they could without getting extremely personal. those fans of theirs deserved the world.

"Luke?" Ashton whispered.

"Yes love?"

"We should tell them."

"W-what?"

"The fans? They deserve to know, don't they?"

"A-about us?" Luke questioned.

"Yes lukey, about us. they should know." Ash looked up at him, smiling slightly.

"I dunno. I guess, but-"

"Cmon, please?" Ashton whined.

"Fine." Luke said. He'd do anything to see Ashton happy. And of course, Ashton lit up like a Christmas tree as he pulled out his phone from his pocket, and chose his favorite picture of the two of them, curled up on the couch in the tour bus together that Michael had taken, and posted it on Instagram with a caption of "my precious love. my world.  My boyfriend. ❤️😘" after it had posted, Ashton looked up at Luke, beaming from ear to ear.

all they wanted was to be happy together. and for now, that's what they felt.