Dying on the inside || Lashton

14

(( trigger warning yet again oh ))
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they were happy. the boys felt open. the fans loved it. they all were accepted and appreciated, and it was as if nothing had changed except the lashton shippers being extremely elated and thankful.

and Ashton's mind definitely hadn't changed. actually, it had. and not for the better. it was horrifying. ash was scared to death in his own mind. and right now, he needed an escape from that.

well, Ashton always needed an escape from his mind. in fact, he wanted out of his mind. but he couldn't do that to Luke. luke was his everything, and he couldn't put luke through losing him. so, instead, he'll cut his thighs open tonight. Even if he was two weeks clean, and the cuts on his wrist from last week hadn't healed completely, he couldn't risk luke seeing new cuts on his wrist. Luke would be angry. ash was doing so well.

so instead, Ashton sat down on the edge of the tub with a sharpener blade, and sliced into his thigh as hard as he could. he sucked a breath in as it stung. "fuck." He whispered, adding another. a tear fell from his face as he added a third. he watched as just the three deep cuts managed to cover his thigh in a deep red color. more tears fell as we watched.

he then turned and ran the shower. he'd have to wash himself before going to bed, since that's what he told luke he was going to do, and he needed to wash the blood away.

with shaky breaths, he he stood up from his position and stepped into the shower, since he was already naked, and let the cool water fall down his body.

he watched his thigh as the blood mixed with water, and washed down the drain. without touching it, he watched until all the red had cleared away, and he was left with three stinging gauges on his thigh. because he had cleaned them right away, they did not swell, or become extremely red or wide. they looked like just cuts instead of really deep injuries.

he proceeded to clean his body and hair before stepping out. when he did, he examined the previous secret cuts he had made to his thighs. no one had ever seen the mess but him, and they were ugly. they were serious scars, most which should've been stitched, but weren't. they were scary cuts.

~*~

two weeks later and Ashton's thigh still burned. they were nearly closed, but they hurt like hell.

every single show they played seemed to make it worse. the sweat seeping in and the constant moving around and rubbing against them was unbearable.

to make it worse, showers after the shows was even more painful. he constantly hissed and swore at himself for doing this to himself.

honestly, Ashton was shocked that Luke didn't know about them yet.

but, tonight was different. after their show, the boys had headed out to a bar, and drank a little.

well, a lot actually, if we're talking about Ashton.

and Ashton was ecstatic. which, was unusual, and Luke was shocked by this. he didn't want to take advantage over ash, but he was happy to see him happy.

Ashton had been clinging to luke all night, kissing his neck, curled to his side, whispering in his ear, and several other things that he just knew was turning Luke on. Michael and calum had sat back and watched as the lovebirds got drunk and flirty, especially Ashton.

at about 2 am, Ashton whispers "take me to our hotel room , babes." into Luke's ear, sending shivers down his spine. Almost instantly, Luke dragged Ashton back to their hotel, not even waiting to get to the room before making out in the elevator and feeling eachother up.

by this point, Ashton had forgotten about his thighs. all he knew was the lust for Luke was growing stronger by the minute.

As the elevator dinged, the boys practically threw themselves out of the elevator with messy hair and tents  in their pants and ran, holding onto eachother's hands, to their room.

Ashton kissed and sucked on Luke's neck while he fumbled around with the hotel room key. Luke let out a soft moan as he pushed the door open and grabbing Ashton's wrist and brought him inside. he kissed him once more before pushing Ash onto their bed.

Luke quickly pulled off his shirt, and watched as Ashton followed his movements, tossing his own on the floor.

Luke leaned over him, kissing his neck and leaving a trail down his torso.

and that's when it hit Ashton. Fear set in, realizing that Luke would see his thighs. he didnt want to tell Luke no, since he wanted this more than anything else right now, and had been hinting it all night. But this isn't how he pictured it would be with Luke, and he didn't want him finding out.

But before he could even say anything, Luke was kissing his hips and pulling down his skinny jeans. when they were off, Luke crawled back up to his boxers.

and then he stopped. Ashton watched as Luke's eyes trailed back up his body, with tears in his eyes.

"A-Ash. w-" Luke's tears fell down on his thighs.

Ashton sat up, and placed his head in his hands. this is not how he wanted this to go.

Luke had wrapped himself around Ashton's skinny legs, staring at the deep red marks on his skin. "Ashton, I don't even know w-what to say."
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O shit

I mean , I planned on smut but that'll come later okay calm urselves

also I wanted it to be fluffy smut so this was not the time this was luST

anyways it's gunna get better for a little while after this chapter I promise I won't make you cry too much

but I don't promise that for the rest of the story (:

okaY have a nice day ! ( or night idk)
ur fav
-Jade