Painting Annalise

03.The list I live by

I've decided to leave this line for comments on the motivational pictures <3

As children we look at the world with such innocent eyes, we believe in stupid things like a man in red coming through your chimney and a fairy designated to getting rid of your broken tooth. And with these eyes, we believe that one day we too can live a musical, but as we get older, we understand life's not as simple as that. And suddenly there's an endless list of things you start comparing your reality with, till you realize these people are paid to sell a false reality. Something made up by someone who thought long and hard.

My point of realization was when I knew I would never be one of those girls who could run their fingers through their hair and look amazingly good. Yeah, that can never be me. The black tangled mess hasn't been combed in weeks and if I were it I would hurt my fingers as well.

After managing to pack my tangled hair I look at the full-length mirror again, not like it mattered because I don't intend on catching anyone's attention. It's not like anyone's looking my way anyways - a fact I figured a while ago.

Probably when life had slapped me hard in the face at the age of thirteen because I still didn't look acceptable to society's beauty standards. It was a memorable year for me also known as the year, I made a mental list of things that made the veins on my forehead pop and things that made me almost smile.

I hate unnecessary sounds, like the mouth making loud chewing noises or the scraping of your cutlery on a plate. I like the sound of rain because it calms me, especially the storms because they remind me of my life. And when the sun shines after, it gives me hope that maybe one day my sun will also get to shine. I hate people who waste my time and detest the ones who talked a lot about nothing but shit.

In a random shirt and cropped jeans, I rush down the stairs silently praying that my mum won't remember I said I would eat breakfast today.

Unfortunately, life hates me.

"honey I made eggs and toast" she calls from our mini dining room where everyone is seated. Except him - his usual chair at the head of the table is empty making my throat burn.

Silently cursing myself, I take the only sit next to Aaron, my mum says a quick prayer which I Ignore and they dig in.

It happens immediately; their exaggerated chewing sounds. I don't know if it's normal to chew like that, but I am too anxious to think logically. My nails dig into my palm as I try to block them out.

After pushing the eggs around for a while, the buttery smell makes me too nauseous to sit through the whole breakfast. My sweaty palms beg me to get up and I silently obey. My chair scrapes on the tiles causing me to wince.

"I don't want to miss the bus" my mum's look of concern makes me want to sit down, instead I grab my bag.

"you didn't even eat. Aaron can take you to school even if you miss the bus," My mum says calmly which is different. She has never been loud, but she has also never spoken to me so softly; it's as though she's scared to hurt me.

I look at him but he's too busy trying to finish his plate and mine.

"I'll pass" I mutter walking out the house.

I lied, I would never take the bus. We all lie - that's my excuse. There was nothing wrong with the bus, only if you have a problem with the endless number of students that wouldn't shut up. It confused me how their brains worked. It's like they never run out of what to say. From the bus to the classrooms to the lunch hall and bathroom. There's just never a moment of silence.

Walking gives me time to think as music calms my raging thoughts. The town is busy as always not paying attention to the chaos that occurs in the corners. Like the kid who looks thirteen exchanging drugs for money, while his parents think he's in school.

Minding the business of my walking playlist, I stroll to school using the longer route. The cars speed past me, and I see Aaron's car on the other side but he doesn't see me. At least I hope he doesn't.

Unfortunately, the walk comes to an end as I stop in front of the school, I really consider skipping but the thought of going away for college has me walking in.

The jobless teens had taken time to make up rumors thanks to me skipping school for two weeks.

Lori had called to tell me that people thought I overdosed because my nosy neighbor had told them she saw an ambulance drive away from my house. Unknown to her and what seems like the rest of school, it was my dad.

Not the overdose part, the ambulance of course. Unlike myself, my dad was a man of morals.

"I thought you were in a coma" some hormonal idiot boy decides to say

Sending him my middle finger I walk to my locker not bothering to waste my morning strength on him.

Letting out a sigh, I open my locker and instantly regret it. Flowers and chocolates fall out as well as cards and teddy bears. What exactly is wrong with these kids? I mean, even if I died how would I have gotten these?

A hand covers my eyes and from the distinct strawberry scent, I know it's Lori.

"Lori please remove your hands" I mumble trying to empty my locker of the unnecessary gifts.

"you're still no fun" she mumbles with a pout on her face.

Rolling my eyes, I empty the locker on the floor.

"those were bought for you" she states the obvious

"I don't care" I throw them out of the locker

A hand rests on my shoulder causing me to turn around. "I thought we were your only friends," Casper says playfully as he takes in the sight of the silly gifts.

"tell me about it" I shrug his arm off me. I hate body contact but he never seems to understand that. Casper always seems to find a way to touch me, either placing his arm on my shoulder or leaning against me. It's all still uncomfortable but sometimes I stay quiet.

"what are you going to do with it?" Chris asks opening a box of chocolates. Foodie, yet he has the body of a typical football player.

"throw it away," I answer as I bend to pick them up.

I thought it was obvious.

"no way" he and Jacob yell in a chorus before snatching them from my hands

Their loud voices attract eyes causing me to shrug and put the rest in Chris's bag.

"come on, let's go. I've missed you these past two weeks." Lori says dragging me away. She appears to be the only one stupid enough to enter my personal bubble. Yet for reasons unknown, I let her.

"I missed you too" I whisper to myself unconsciously, but Lori just had to hear causing her to squeal

"you hear that boys, Anna missed me. Told you I was her favorite" she basically yells causing me to pull out of her deathly grip and walk fast to class.

I have AP calculus, thanks to how good in math I am, Casper's the only one in my class. Still laughing at how fast I walked away, he catches up to me placing his arms around my shoulder as we walk into the class.

The teacher frowns at our tardiness, but I think she figured it was a waste after her failed attempts at giving me detention. Two detention sessions with me being absent and her reporting to the principal who didn't want to expel me because of my good grades she decided to pretend I didn't exist.

"just take a seat" she mutters pointing to the seats at the back

"she's so tired of you" Casper whispers in my ear with his hand still around my shoulder.

I know how it looks, but no. I mean he was cute with his lanky body, tan skin, and brown eyes, but Casper would never be more than a friend to me. And I have tried so many times to show him but Lori says he's living in denial.

Thank you so much for reading this update.

Feel free to comment what you think about Annalise 💕