Painting Annalise

08.The split second

I've decided to leave this line for comments on the motivational pictures <3

This can't be happening.

Where did he even get the hint from? and, he just kissed that girl. It doesn't feel good as his body pressed against mine, his lips repeatedly claiming mine with me just standing still. His hands begin to crawl under my hoodie and suddenly my brain processes everything making my system boil with rage as I push him away. I can't stop my hands as they fly across his face probably leaving a mark there.

"Stay the fuck away from me" my voice breaks as my anger consumes every bit of normality in me.

"Anna...." He begins

"don't fucking say my name, and don't ever speak to me in your messed up life" I cut him off, not bothering to look back as I walk away from what was once my safe spot but had quickly become a place where I lost a friend.

A friend blinded by his selfishness and personal desires, one who cared more about what people would say if he was my first official boyfriend instead of caring about how I actually felt. He looked at me the way the other boys did, I was a trophy to show off, a challenge to win and a prize to show off to my brother.

It is really sad considering I have only four friends and I just lost one, worst part I don't know if I overreacted and I don't know if it was really worth throwing him away like a used shoe.

Then again, he deserved it, he fucking kissed me.

Forcefully.

He kissed me, fuck.

My head hurts as I drag myself to my locker. It feels like they are staring, like they know Casper just kissed me.

I need anything to calm my nerves, as my dry mouth begs for the sticks now. Instead of heading to my locker, I turn and head to the rooftop.

Unsurprisingly it's empty considering school is still on. Immediately I shut the door, my hand reaches into my hoodie pocket to get the stick. Lighting it up, I place it between my lips bringing me close to sanity.

The familiar calmness takes over my mind. It's not a decision I'm stable enough to make, but I decide to ditch the rest of school. It's the last class which makes the choice easier.

With my feet dangling from the rooftop ledge, I watch the clouds tell different stories. My dad taught me that; no cloud is meaningless. Occasionally the smoke blocks my view till I feel no need to take any more puffs. After I put it out, I lay on the thick ledge. My body barely balancing thanks to my uncombed hair.

Overthinking how shitty my life has been since the beginning, I consider ending it just for a split second. If I fell from here, I bet I wouldn't make it to the house alive. Being alive these days hurts if that makes sense.

I feel like I'm drowning and those sticks are my only escape. Like a floater to a toddler in the pool.

The thoughts are trapping me in ways I don't desire, not to mention the disgusting feeling of Casper's lips claiming mine over and over again. If anything at this point, I feel dirty and cheated because I give everyone the respect they deserve. I'm mean to them because the reason they want to be my friend is just that everyone seems to like me now. When I was fat and clearly a loner, no one wanted to speak to or even stand up for me. Not even Lori because she just moved when I decided I didn't need anyone.

The lack of existence of my dad seems to be eating me up. It hurts that he won't have an opinion in my life ever again. He would never walk down the aisle with me, he would never be there to crack jokes at Sunday lunch.

With these thoughts, I look down and nothing is keeping me from letting my little frame drop from this building. I'll just be one more thing not to worry about for Lori and my mum. No one would really care, maybe a day to shed tears then they all move on. In two weeks I would be the reason the rooftop is off-limit, not the girl who tried to fight her monsters but in the end, she ran or rather jumped. That's the thing about some humans, it's not a problem till they face it.

Taking a deep breath, I stand up to look down the three-story building which, for some reason doesn't look as high enough as before.

"just some broken bones, but trust me you won't make it to hell" I hear his all too familiar from behind me

I groan before saying "I wasn't going to jump" 

Brayden looks at the ledge skeptically before climbing up next to me. I couldn't blame him, it's quite thick but the width is rather small. What a lot of people don't know is there's a smaller rooftop underneath, depending on where you stand.

"you're a terrible liar," he mutters looking down

I turn, watching him as he tries to balance on the ledge and I almost want to push him down. That way I won't have to deal with him and his stupid endearment. Keyword - almost, murder is the last thing I want on my conscience.

"If you push me, I would haunt you till you take your own life," he says teasingly before looking at me. "That way you won't be able to get rid of me"

"I wasn't going to push you" I bite back, trying so hard to hide every emotion I'm feeling at the moment.

"another lie," he smirks

"you piss me off" I mutter

"I know," he says jumping onto the lower roof and pulling me with him.

"I was enjoying the view" I mumble looking anywhere but him, just because I hated how he saw my true emotions, and right now I feel extremely vulnerable.

"It wasn't that great of a view love," he says eying the dirty roof surroundings

"you skipped class?" I ask to try my best to ignore his newly found nickname for me

"I had English literature and this gloomy presence was missing from beside me, so I decided to find her" I stare at him blankly hoping to show my irritation, letting him know I don't find him funny at the very least.

I hum not bothering to speak again. Instead, I pop mints into my mouth because today I'm going to the house. My perfume bottle is stored away in my locker for times like this. I don't know if Brayden can smell the smoke around me but he doesn't mention it, then again we were on the roof with excess air.

"What makes you think I would go to hell?" I ask after a while

"because love, you have demons you're running from and your escape routes aren't wise" he whispers in a serious tone, but I hear every single word and they hit like a ton of bricks. Yet my face remains emotionless as I stare ahead.

In the remaining moments on the roof, Brayden never brought up how I almost jumped off and he never treated me like I almost jumped off. We just went back to whatever you call what we had before, my hate for him didn't reduce but it didn't increase.

Whatever he said to me, he never forgot to add the endearment he had made for me with no permission. Love.

Ever since I joined the Wattpad family, I've always desired to write a book of my own. Every time I get a notification from this book, good or bad. It warms my heart that someone is willing to read my work.

Ignore my rant 😪

I love you all. Remember my DM is always open for conversation.