Painting Annalise

05.The troubles for a coffee cup

I've decided to leave this line for comments on the motivational pictures <3

In Lori's arms, I lay while watching the rain fall harshly. The window getting repeatedly hit till nothing else poured from the sky. She rolls on the bed hitting me in the process causing a groan to escape my lips.

This is what I get for not sleeping at home these past three days. Lori's mum had never questioned my stay when I showed up, but I knew she had called my mum. The messages and voice mails I keep receiving from my mum saying I could stay as long as I wanted, were all the proof necessary. 

After my panic attack on Monday, I decided I needed space from the memories the house held. I tried so hard to run away from the negative thoughts. Yes, I was a runner. After all, we all had different ways of dealing with things. The only reason why I wasn't at a motel was that I knew if I was alone my family would mourn twice in this month.

One look at the bed and I don't bother resting my sore limbs. Lori had spread her body covering the whole bed with either her hair or legs and hands leaving no space for me to lay.

My back still aches from how hard the mattress is, not to mention how uncomfortable it is to share a bed.

I guess today is the day I go back.

Dragging myself to her bathroom I take a quick shower and get dressed for school. These days I was putting less effort into my outfits, and even close to no effort in covering my eyebags. Maybe it's the lack of strength or lack of interest in school, I'm tired of thinking about it.

I look at her once more and she's still deep in whatever dreamland she managed to create for herself. Shutting the door gently I make my way to the closest café.

Fortunately, it's empty except for whoever sat at the window seat down the café.

"give me your strongest coffee," I say to the middle-aged man not bothering to look at the menu, I wouldn't understand it anyway I just needed caffeine right now.

"you shouldn't be taking that much caffeine," he says eying my petite frame.

"you shouldn't be working here, old man" I scoff earning a scowl from him

Silence passes as he ignores me and goes back to read his newspaper. I did ponder over the thought of what could make the headlines that made him so fascinated. Which was preventing him from giving me a cup of coffee. Taking a deep breath, I arrange my sentence so I don't come out as impolite, it's not my fault mornings aren't my thing. I want to believe it's genetic. 

"come on dude, please just give me some coffee" I basically plead

These days I was at two extremes, either deadly silent or yelling. For example, yesterday when I yelled at Casper for placing a light kiss on my forehead, to when I ignored Aaron who tried to take me to visit mum, and right now I was trying to hold myself.

Back to the douchebag.

"Would it kill you to be polite?" the man asks

"you've got to be kidding me" with that I storm off making sure to slam the front door shut with the expectation that the glass door would come shattering down, instead I just get a loud bang and nothing but silence after.

I just want fucking coffee, why is everyone so difficult? That's all I kept thinking because it's never really our fault, is it?

My phone buzzes, the caller ID says Lori and for some reason, I don't want to pick it up. I see the many messages from the group chat and other people but I just turn off my phone and walk to the house for some coffee.

The walk isn't that long so I don't miss my loud music, instead, I enjoy the birds chirping and the faraway sound of busy streets and traffic.

Standing in front of the door I rethink coming here. The house that took him away.

The full driveway is a sign that both my mum and Aaron were still inside.

After several countdowns I decide to fuck it and just enter. "is that you honey?" I hear my mum's awfully sweet voice from the kitchen

My hands form a fist and I almost punch myself for thinking I could sneak in and out for coffee.

"you're up early?" I say in a questioning tone as I enter the kitchen.

Her usual chubby body had gone replaced with a slimmer figure, in a week she had lost more than I could believe. With her cloth barely hanging on her body she moves around the kitchen.

"you look ... different" I state heading over to the coffee machine

"so do you, I'm so glad you're back" she whispers looking me in the eye.

I stare her in the eye till the sound of the coffee machine goes off. For some reason, I wanted to stay, to take care of her? I don't know.

Maybe Aaron was right, maybe I am selfish. Now that my dad is really gone, I know I can't survive my mum going. So, I try my very best and give her a small smile before my lips go back to their usual straight line. Her face lights up with excitement. She basically flies across the kitchen, her thin arms wrapping around me but I stand as still as a pole while looking ahead of her.

My hand moves to hug her but I can't, I want to be there for her, but I can't. I can't do anything.

To be honest it irritates me; the hug.

That's why I mess everything up, it's why I'm alone among people.

"Well this is awkward" my obnoxious brother's voice comes from the last step as he enters the kitchen

My mum pulls away, quickly wiping away a lone tear with a smile still on her face. Ignoring the lump in my throat I pour the hot coffee into my cup and turn to leave.

"Are you coming home today?" he asks not looking at me but at his full plate, I wonder how he stays fit.

"what does it matter to you?" I mumble covering the cup

My mum seems to be in her world as she arranges the sink area.

"you know, maybe you should feed mum and not just yourself," I say 

If we were in anime or some cartoon, this would be the part where the smoke comes out from his ears as he glared at me.

"it's just advice" I mouth before walking out of the kitchen

"aren't you eating honey?" I hear my mum call

"save me dinner" I slam the door not bothering to wait for her response because she was like an older Lori, always making a big deal out of the little things that involve me.

Sooooo what did you think of this chapter?
Honest opinion 😋
P.s my dms are always open if you need someone to talk to.
Lots of love 💕