Beyoncé
It's my last day of break and I'm at my worst. Mentally, I mean.
Megan is gone so I took advantage of her not being here and ran to the business in search of my mother like a little girl.
As supportive as Megan is, I feel guilty at times for letting it out on her.
I run through the buildings, bypassing security and making it up the elevators.
"Mama." I knocked on the office door and barged in.
Tears stream down my face. This feels unreal, this feels like a movie.
My mama isn't here. Solange is. She looks at me wide-eyed.
"You okay?" She asks.
"Mama, where she at?"
"She's in a meeting, Beyoncé. Whatchu need?"
I shut down and sit in the seat across from my mama's and weep.
I'm tired. My pulse is just calming down as if I injected myself with some type of drug and I'm coming down from a high.
"Beyoncé, you okay?" She sits next to me and I slightly tense up. "What's wrong?"
I just bawl my eyes out. I feel like a failure, like I have no chance of being able to redeem myself, like I should give up now, like Megan should leave me for someone else. Anything, just anything.
Solange brings me into a hug and I stay.
Years ago it was the other way around.
"It's okay." She says. "It's okay, I'm here. You was there for me, imma be here for you. Let it out, Yoncé."
My body shakes erratically as I sob and sob and sob. I seem to always fuck up someway, somehow.
I begin to wheeze and Solange rocks me the same way I did to her when she was younger.
"Let it out."
My cheeks feel heavy and my body is weak.
The only thing stopping me from ending myself is fear. I fear that I'm gonna go to hell for the three bodies.
I know my tears are covering the shoulder of her shirt. I'm surprised she doesn't care.
She rubs circles onto my back and mumbles reassuring things until I calm down. She slightly pushes me off and looks into my eyes, wiping my tear-streaked cheeks.
The sobbing has slowly stopped and I'm focusing on deep breaths.
"Wanna talk to me about it?"
I shake my head negatively. I'm cool but not comfortable with her.
"I'm here, okay?" She reassures and I nod. "I'm right here, Beyoncé."
