I gave one last turn before entering the airport, you ran towards me for a hug, I could feel your tight grip on my waist and your warm breath on my neck. Your actions were telling me to stay, don’t go. But your lips were telling me otherwise, that it was for my future.
“Goodbye Ryujin..”
“Bye Lia..”
I love you…
If only I listened to your actions rather than your words, had you told me to stay. I would have. I would have given up my dream and start a new one with you.
If only I realized sooner, wishing that I could turn back time to make you mine.
Instead, the next time I saw you, you were with another, you were caught by someone else. I guess you couldn’t wait for me.
All this pain in my chest, my regrets, the things I had to tell you, there were so many of them, but the words were choking me, so I turned around and left, I guess that’s the only thing I’m good at.
Your smile, is most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, but seeing it on my phone only breaks my heart.
So I gave my silent goodbye to this bittersweet page of my life, and wish you happiness even if I’m not part of it.
Although we promised to keep in touch, even with all the technology in the world it’s shocking when you discover how easy it is in life to part ways with people.
*
I woke up with a tear stain on my cheek. A dream of a memory from a distant past, but the feelings were still fresh as if it all just happened yesterday.
Over the years, I’ve wanted to move on, move on from something I didn’t even have.
I’ve always kept on running, but the truth is I wanted someone to chase after me. If I look back, if I go back.. is the door still open?
Do I still have a place in your heart?
If these feelings won’t go away, then maybe I should stop running from them.
Can I finally say the things I never said..that I love you.
As if on a trance, I took my phone and searched Lia on Instagram.
She’s still pretty, she looks happy, she—
“SHIT!”
***
When we broke apart from our hug, you had a questioning face. I had to give you a stern look and stop any incoming tears. I wanted you to stay, but I was afraid of holding you back. You had to leave for a brighter future, one that I might not be able to fit in.
“I’ll come back for you, Lia..”
“I’ll be waiting Ryujin..”
I love you…
I tried to smile in front of everyone to hide the pain, I shouldn’t have ignored the look on your face. Why did I let you walk away.. why did I let you go? If time can really be turned back, would you haven chosen me?
I held on to our promise and waited for you. I fell for you, it didn’t matter who else offered their hand. I wanted you to catch me.
But maybe you were looking for something beyond me. So instead, I hit the ground, it hurts. It’s okay, I understand, you decided to catch your dreams.
*
I awakened with a familiar pang in my heart, a shattered glass from the past.
I used to always cry, from a heartache, a broken promise. But no matter how much I got hurt, I find myself far from hating you, I let the wounds become a scar, so that I’ll never forget about you.
I’ve always wondered, would my feelings ever reach you. If I keep yearning for your presence, would you one day come back. I just want to be in your arms.
I can’t remember when I fell in love with you, but if you must know.. it’s still you.
My thoughts were interrupted by a sudden notification.
Ryujin liked your photo. Ryujin commented: hi.
“RYUJIN?!”
***
Ryujin accidentally liked Lia’s old photo, driven by the reckless behaviour she decided to leave a comment as well.
When Lia checks her phone, her eyes widen and takes some time to process it. She smiles a little bit and decided to send a message.
With open doors and empty arms.
If only we listened to our hearts, we could’ve saved ourselves from the pain we’ve been through.
It doesn’t matter now, because this time I won’t let you go..
***
just a short update... thoughts?
