When Everything Fails (De Chavez #2)

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

MY HEART was heavily beating as if it was about to ravage my ribcage. The talons of the fear sprouted, crawling up until they clawed at my throat. I could barely breathe as I flicked the switch to turn the light on in my apartment. I wanted to call Kei; to tell him what happened. But there was something that forcing me to shut down.

Exhaustion had worn me off, so had the resentment I felt directly toward my father. I shared a fair fault for my situation. Because I didn't fucking read the non-disclosure agreement. Because I was naive enough to believe my father.

Tears prickled at the back of my eyes as I slowly walked to my bedroom. As I pushed my way to my bed, the bedroom was colored with total darkness, putting me into total blindness. The whisper of my resentment pulled me toward the balcony. I opened it, only to welcome the simmering coldness of the wind that unabashedly slipped into my room.

The coldness of the air started to crawl through my skin, tingles started to spike my skin. I let out an exhausted sigh as I closed my eyes. Even the fantastic panorama of the city light, skyscrapers that astonishingly stood perfectly, emphasizing the busy night of the metro, cannot alleviate the burden that perched in my chest. Not far away from my apartment complex, I could see the large billboard, projecting my pearly white teeth as I smiled at the camera for the brand I was endorsing.

That photo was taken a week after I reconciled with Kei de Chavez. From a far distance, I could decipher the genuineness of the smile that I cast, even the glitter in my eyes, I could see that it was filled with satisfaction. Call me shallow but I never thought a person could give me that happiness I long lost since my mother left us. Me.

At the mention of her, I couldn't help but think about my situation if I had my mother with me. What if she never left us? What if she stayed and guided me with my life path? Would it make any difference? Would I happily spend my time with Kei without any ramifications awaiting? I couldn't help but to think about it. I grappled with the idea of having her because it slowly ripped the thin cloth of protection, I set for myself when I was near her. I shouldn't long for her.

She was nothing but a mere stain on my memory. I wanted to wipe it off. I wanted to remove her from my memory because it pained me to think about her. About them.

I chewed the bottom of my lips until I felt the blood slipped out from the slit and the metallic flavor of it seared through my tongue. I lifted my face to try to look at the moon.

No moon.

It was a night without the moon. Someone told me that you can wish to the moon. I'd never believed in that kind of belief but I wanted to try it. I tried to wish for something.

A lone tear escaped from my left eye. It streamed down to my chin. When my lips quivered when the cold wind gusted across my face, the lone tear pelted on my chest, being absorbed by the cloth I was wearing.

Shivering, I grabbed a hold onto the railing of my balcony as I cried silently. Damn this emotion. I wanted to scream. I wanted to not give a flying fuck to my parents but I can't. They still hurt me. As much as I wanted to detach myself from them, I couldn't. Obviously, because of the fucking love I felt for them despite the hatred and resentment perched on me.

The phone in my pocket chimed startlingly. I fumbled on my phone and when I got a hold of it, I pulled it out of my pocket and looked at the screen. It was Kei.

He was calling.

A curse slipped out of my lips as I pushed the tears to stream down my face in salty rivulets. I was afraid that I might lose him again. Living without Kei de Chavez was like living in a dark alley waiting for the awaiting demise. I failed in everything but I didn't want to fail the love I had for Kei. But how can I keep this beautiful man when the faith had turned its back on us and the only way to breathe was to let go?