When Everything Fails (De Chavez #2)

CHAPTER TWELVE

CHAPTER TWELVE

I GUESS IT'S more appealing kung ibababa ko rito sa part na 'to. It's good to have a higher pitch but it also better if it will go into a low pitch..." I mumbled as Kei stopped strumming the guitar.

He was attentively listening to my words as if every single one of them was laced with accuracy and preciseness. It was as though he was letting me on this part and I somehow found it overwhelming. I was in control, I was the one maneuvering the situation, and I was on top of him. I bit my bottom lip when I tried to fumble for the satisfaction this situation has to conjure out of me but my heart remains hollow, something is missing, unsatisfied, and longing for something else.

The bickering. The undeniable chemistry when we were arguing about something whether it was petty or now. The absence of the bickering evoked an emotion I never thought I had.

I didn't know what the hell was wrong with him why he kept his mouth shut and just looking at me as if I was the expensive, ever shinning toy in a store he was dying to have. I swallowed when a lump started to clog in my throat. Four days had passed since the kiss happened and neither one of us dared to bring it up. Honestly, I was still at loss thinking about it. My mind gets emptied every time I think about it and the emotions it evokes made me frightened to think of it again. I was thankful that the bickering offsets the awkwardness when I thought about his soft lips touching mine.

At that thought, I felt my cheeks heated up. The singularity that this situation and this emotion had summoned feared the shit out of me. I had never felt this strong feeling that I forced myself to neglect. No, this can't be happening. This wasn't right. To let the annoyance, the hatred, the competitiveness that bottled up in me for years to slip out effortlessly was absurd to think. Kei was just confusing me and the funny part of it, I was letting him do that; I was letting him stir up my mind until I lost at words and I was emptied with perplexity and heart beating hardly it feels like it was going to wreak-havoc my ribcage.

The attempt to shy away the thoughts plaguing my mind was successful when I looked outside the window. It was 7 pm and the evening breeze slipped in through the open balcony. The whisper of the wind, the thumping of my heart, and the tendrils of vivid appreciation to the tapestry of stars adorned in the endless void of the darkness of sky combined to fill my mind with something else— extruding the bubble of confusion from my mind.

In a moment, I just wanted to savor the solemnity and peacefulness of the sky and the vicinity. I wanted to be lost in the chasm of nothingness, away from the things that worried me, away from the things that confuse me, away from the heartache that I had been bearing for a long time. When I was a kid, every time my mother was upset that I could not perfect the piece she was teaching me, papa would interrupt and take me for a break. He would usher me to our balcony and we both stare outside, marveling at the glinting stars and the moon that gives hope during the dark times. He would tell me some silly stories that will make me giggle and then he'll tickle me until I lost the ability to breathe.

Tears burned at the back of my eyes as I felt the chills of longing chase over my skin. I thought I wanted to neglect this burden of heartaches? Pero bakit ko pilit na binabalikan ang mga ala-alang gusto ko nalang kalimutan? Why it was so hard to forget the things that hurt us? If only had given us the ability to reset and restart ourselves to avoid long-time misery and sadness.

"Let's take a break," I said to Kei. It was so hard to fight my voice to not crack.

"Are you okay?" Kei asked, his eyes were searching the depth of my eyes— what lurks beneath it.

I shivered when I realized that he might find something to hold against me. I averted my gaze from him. Fucking emotional bitch. Why of a sudden did I get this feeling out of nowhere? It was so inappropriate and absurd. Pathetic and disgusting. I looked at the calendar and I realized that I was near my period. Kaya naman emotional na naman ako. I hated it. I got a little sensitive and with a little push to my button, I'd burst into tears. My emotions were always at the brink.