When Everything Fails (De Chavez #2)

CHAPTER THREE

CHAPTER THREE

DAYS ROLLED in as October beats off September in the calendar. The soft and cool crawl of the wind takes me to another level of comfort and contentment. The sheer curtain that draped on my window let the sunlight spill in, washing the whole room with a golden glow. In the presence of soft morning light, it made it easy for me to adjust. My eyes flitted to the clock draped above the door, it's 8 o'clock and it's Sunday.

A soft groan flies out of my mouth as I shifted on my bed. Papa and I agreed to go attend a mass later. Mamaya pa naman iyon kaya ayos lang na matulog pa. At isa pa, anong oras na ako natulog kagabi. I finished my readings and I am pretty sure I am ready for tomorrow's quiz.

My mind shifted back to my Father. Well, after the accident, he doesn't drink more often like before. Paminsan minsan na lang at laking pasasalamat ko roon. I am hoping that it will continue to progress. Kung magtuloy-tuloy ito ay alam kong malaking tuloy 'yong sinabi ni Uncle Roger. Pero dahil din doon, mas madalas ko nang makita si Papa na tulala lang at parang malalim ang iniisip. He's always like that when he wasn't drunk. Alam ko naman kung bakit.

Her decampment left a mark in our hearts— no, not only a mark but rather a huge hole that cannot be fixed by time. We will always be bearing this pain, especially my Father who devoted himself to her. Loving too much is toxic— it will just bring fiasco into your life. In the game of love, you cannot let your emotions rule over you, or else you will be found dead in the chasm of devastation, warped with helplessness, twined with eternal pain. Ayokong mangyari sa 'kin ang nangyari kay Papa. Yes, his love for my Mother is true yet it is dangerous, deadly, and petrifying. I will never admire that kind of love.

Shaking my head, I tried to will away that thought that drying up my throat. I clenched my jaw as I desperately stopped myself to whack my head. Ilang beses ko nang sinabi sa aking sarili na h'wag ko na siyang isipin ngunit hindi ko magawa. Sa tuwing nakikita ko si Papa na umiiyak o kaya'y tulala ay palagi siyang pumapasok sa isip ko.

I rolled over the bed and buried my face to the pillow to deter the tears to flow, or even impede them since it seemed inevitable to stop pain to summon tears to flow out of my eyes. Kahit anong sabi ko sa sarili ko na hindi ko siya miss, na wala na siya sa puso ko, na patay na siya, alam kong kasinungalingan lang ito. I fed myself with lies to avoid the ridiculous fact that just like my father, I was also hoping for her to come back to us. Pero sino ba ang niloloko ko? She left us for another man, to build her own family where she can do her passion. I clenched my jaw when the bitterness wrapped my chest, making it constrict painfully.

It was nine when I'd decided to hope out of my bed. I went to my bathroom to wash my face and do my morning routines before emerging from my room. Wearing my pink turban and pink pajama, I sauntered down the stair to have my breakfast. Mamayang third mass na kami dadalo ni Papa at saka ang sabi niya kagabi ay kasama raw namin ang ilang mga kaibigan niya sa industrya. I am sensing something is coming. Siguro ay movie na naman o kaya ay soap opera.

Papa was sitting on the couch near the window with a newspaper in hand. He just glimpsed at me before returning his attention to the newspaper. My greeting caught in the middle of my throat as I made a beeline toward the dining room. Hindi ko alam pero parang may nagbara sa lalamunan ko at hindi ko na rin nagawang batiin siya. After what happened in the hospital and after hearing Uncle Roger's words to Papa, I somehow find it awkward to try to talk to my Father. Ayaw kong isipin niya na nagtatampo talaga ako sa kaniya— yes, I somehow was upset for the outcome of his relationship with my mother and how he copes with the pain it buried inside his heart, but I cannot completely blame him for being like that. He just truly loved my Mother.

Pagkapasok ko sa dining area ay nakahanda na rin ang mga pagkain. I plopped on the chair, placed a table napkin on my lap, and scooped an ample amount of rice to my plate and a couple of bacon and egg. The school works and some gala that I had attended last week exhausted me like this so I needed to eat much than usual. Unlike some girls who were conscious of their body figure, I care less about it. Though, kahit naman anong kain ko, hindi pa rin ako tumataba. Okay naman 'tong katawan ko, hindi namam gaanong payat— sakto lang.