When Everything Fails (De Chavez #2)

CHAPTER SEVEN

CHAPTER SEVEN

WHAT THE hell! Why can't I play?" I mumbled, confusion twined with anger obstructed in my throat as I plopped the guitar over my lap.

I cannot do it. Her images were flashing in my head for the nth time and it was killing me. I had to blink numerous times to fight back the tears that threaten to spill out of my eyes. In a blurry sight, I stared blankly at the guitar that uselessly sitting on my lap. How could she hamper me to play? How could she do that to me? This was my free time to play the guitar since my Father was nowhere to be found. His absence made me want to practice. Attempt after attempt, I always end up being pushed out of focus. I was screwed up.

Grabbing the guitar, I tried to strum again. Notes started to dance over my senses, my eyes closed and my lips slightly parted. I can do it, I whispered to myself. The rapid thumps of my heart against my ribcage ricocheted as the music tried to repel the poking distraction in my head. However, the willpower and determination I had furled in the box and let my lungs deplete of air. I'm doomed and I don't know how to pull myself out of this situation. Looking at the pens, correction tapes, and highlighters splayed over my table while the music sheets stacked on the table and my bed, I was completely surrounded with things I needed to help me out of this misery.

But something was pulling me, caging me to the room of uneasiness and discomfort. With the rapid intakes of breath, I had to sit straight to loosen up the passage where the air I sucked in passes through. I blanched after the image of Kei flashed in my head. He knew it, I knew. He knew that I was distracted and he knew I was out of focus awhile. Now, I was entirely awake in the middle of the night, strumming the guitar and trying to sway with the music but I was failing big time. I glimpsed down at the stacked music sheets on my bed. I had to grab one and placed it at the end of my toes on the floor. After that, I clutched onto the guitar and position it on my lap.

"I need to play," I whispered, coaxing myself.

I strummed the guitar again. As the sound passed through my senses, the familiar rush of warm passion zips through my veins. Focus. Focus. I repeated that word in my head over and over again. Bukas, kailangan kong maipakita kay Kei na kaya ko, na hindi na ako distracted sa kung ano. Playing guitar was a piece of cake but why now? Why can't I even reach the middle of the song? Why would the word of my Father and the images of my mother affect my focus on music?

The ticking of the clock coincided with my heartbeats. I had to suck in an air breathe to steady myself. Dahil sa determinasyon kong walain itong nangyayari sa akin, nakalimutan ko nang mag advanced reading. I glimpsed at the clock draped over the wall of my room. It was 12:34 a.m. but the exhaustion was not yet floating over my head. The fear of not able to play the guitar shakes my composure and cool. I had to pull myself together before it ends with a fucked up grade. The air of discomfort wafts up; making me dizzy. Fuck it, I was clueless about what should I do.

As the exasperation curled up against my stomach, I plopped the guitar behind me and rose to my feet to get my phone situated on the study near my highlighters. I opened it and once it lighted up, the radiation felt like it was going to rip off my eyeballs. Kinailangan ko pang ibaba ang brightness nito bago mag-open ng app. I clicked the Twitter icon and as it opened, my timeline instantly loaded and the new tweets popped in. Rants and other stuff from my classmates and other acquaintances popped in my timeline. Siguro ay kailangan ko munang walain ang sarili ko sa social media.

New tweets popped again. I rolled my eyes when I had seen nothing to could compel the lost fire of focus to get back to my system. A groan flew out of my throat as I clicked the icon to create a tweet.

aisha 🔒 @aishaangeles

Not now...

I had to use my private account. Hindi ko p'wedeng gamitin 'yong isa kong account. I closed my eyes as I trudged down my bed. I threw myself to the bed and let my back sag onto my cozy bed. My phone dropped beside me as I let my body lie like a limp as I stared blankly at the ceiling, the chandelier was brightly gleaming. Huminga ako nang malalim at napapikit. It was nothing. I can do it.