Respect

Chapter 33: Is this Worth the Pain?

Athena's POV
Gun shots echoing in my ears, that's all I could think about. And him. The one who pulled the trigger. The very man I allowed myself to get close to, killed people without flinching. The way he moved when beating the men, so much skill and precision. Rage and hate all working together.

Was falling for him really the best move?
Was this man really capable of loving?

Fear took over me. I could feel his love for me, like he said he did, but his actions. And then, he yelled at me. The anger in his eyes as he yelled at me. He scared me. Clenching his fist in one hand and tightly holding onto his gun in the other, I feared he'd.... Hurt me.

He said he'd change, but I couldn't see it. I knew I loved him, I really did, but was all this worth it?
Was I really supposed to put up with all this mental anguish, all in the name of my love for him?

He was driven by his rage and thirst to kill. I tried to understand him knowing what he had been through to get to this point, but was all this really justifiable by one wrong decision?

I was going crazy thinking about this. My eyes couldn't stop crying. I was so hurt and confused. In times like these, I wished I had my family; My mom to advise me and wipe my tears, my dad to protect and defend me and my little brother, to make me smile and hold me.

I was missing my life before all this chaos. I wanted my old life back. The one which was safe, gun free, loving and caring. The one surrounded with joy and laughter, with everyone I held dear to me. The café and all the customers. The vet clinic and all my animal friends. I actually missed studying and the University. I missed my friends and everything I had before.... Daniel.

I was stuck in a daze when I heard a knock at my door. I knew it was him, he didn't even have to speak.

"Athena" he called softly, "can we talk please?"

Silence was my answer.

He called again. I didn't feel like talking to him.

He was quiet for some time when I heard, chinning. The sound of a bundle of keys. It then dawned on me that he was trying to open the door. Angry, I stood up, wiped my tears and went straight for the door, opening it before he even had a chance to try.

"What is wrong with you?!" I shouted, "You can't even give me space to myself. What am I, huh, your prisoner?! Daniel you remember this, I'm not one of your lap dogs that you can just tell to bark whenever you feel like being a pain and they follow. Leave me alone" I spat out

I went back into my room, slamming the door in his face and locking the door, leaving the key in.

I was so angry at him for what he did. I thought I knew him, but turns out, I didn't even know the half of it.

____
Morning came with a splitting headache. Squinting to take in my surroundings, I hissed and fell back into my comforter. I never had any plans of leaving my room that day.

As I was trying to get back my sleep, I was rudely interrupted by a knock at my door. I yelled for who ever it was to leave. I heard the knock again...

"WOULD YOU LEAVE ME ALONE!" I shouted, throwing my pillow at the door

It was quiet for some time, when the door opened. I could hear footsteps, walk into my room and the door closing again.

I knew he was there

Angry, and practically pissed with right about everything, I lunged out of bed, throwing my sheets to the floor, stomping to the washroom, when he held my hand.

"What do you want?!" I shouted
"Huh! SPEAK UP!"

"Athena" he said in low voice
"Can we please talk?"

"Clearly you failed to respect my need for space and I don't seem entitled to some privacy either. So, I guess I have no choice but to listen to you now do I" I said crossing my arms

"I hate seeing you like this and I don't like your tone either"

"Oh wow! What do you expect huh, me to speak softly and sweet when I witnessed you murdering people with out flinching or showing any form of remorse?! You're delusional if you think I'll speak in any other tone"

I said proceeding to walk away

"Athena!" he said taking hold of my arm, "I won't say I'm sorry because I'm not. I don't regret whatever I did, and neither do I feel bad about it. You have to understand that this is what I do. This is my life and THAT, killing people, is part of my job. If need arises, I will do it" he said looking me dead in the eyes, without even blinking

"Can you even hear yourself right now?!" I said pushing him away, "You sound like a psycho! You think taking people's lives is normal just because you can and they won't do anything, because of what, you're the boss?! You're sick Daniel"

"Insult me to your heart's content Athena, but that's the reality. In this line of work, there will always be collateral damage, and that sure won't be me"

The way he said it gave me goosebumps. He said it with so much hatred in his eyes. The bright silver in his eyes turned dark. Was this really what I wanted?

I didn't see it, but his statement made my blood boil and I slapped him across the face.

"'Collateral damage?' someone's life, is just collateral damage to you? Someone's son, father, husband! IS JUST COLLATERAL DAMAGE TO YOU!" I yelled, slapping him again
"I can't believe you just said that. With no shame" I could feel the tears rolling down my cheeks
"Get out of here" I said giving him my back.

He left. I heard him leave. I never saw him for the rest of the day after that. I sat in my room; crying, trying to get my feelings for him straightened out.

I was hurt. He hurt me. How could I possibly live with such a man. Was my love for him really worth this much pain? Do I love him enough to put up with his... Demons?