intended lowercase.
dear sivaangi,
the first time i cried my eyes out when was the first night i came from coimbatore to chennai. it was a scary experience, all alone, no one to seek solace in.
the second ime i cried, was the day when i realised i wouldn't be in the same set as you and our family. i wouldn't be able to see you everyday, wouldn't be able to laugh everyday with you. wouldn't be able to see experience life with you.
the third time i cried was when you said okay to marrying me. man, im so lucky. what i did to deserve someone like you is beyond me. maybe this sounds cheesy and too filmy, but i really don't know how else to express it.
now i sit, a few days before we get married writing this letter because goddamnit woman you've driven me crazy.
saithiyama paithyam than pudichirku. every day is filled with thoughts of you, and i can't seem or want to escape. for a very long time, i thought no one would want to endure everything with me but you've proven me wrong, standing by me in my thickest and thin.
i have said this before but I'll say it again. before you, i had nothing. absolutely nothing. but the moment i met you, everything came flowing into my life like it was a flood meant to happen. friends, opportunities, love.
many nights i have spent, wondering why me? why couldn't i have it or was i not just deserving of it. but you proved me wrong, and gave me everything in abundance. you brought back the innocence that i had once abandoned in the harsh realities of life and i love you forever and ever for it.
and now i have 5 movies under my belt, one national award and a loving fanbase. all because of you. i won't call you my lucky charm, no. you're my albatross. my guide through this overwhelming sea called life.
i remember the first time i told you that i loved you. under the pouring rain, and you looked so beautiful drenched in it. and i remember thinking, if i lose you now i would regret this my entire life. because it's always been you sivaangi, there's no one else for me. hell, even thinking about it makes me uncomfortable because i can't imagine a future without anybody else.
i hate you sometimes. for filling me with so much love and vulnerability. but overtime ive realised that there's no one else i can be vulnerable with. ive given you my heart and a little extra and i trust you with it completely.
we're magic. that's all i could say. i could never have this intensity and love for someone outside of you, although i do my best to convince people on screen, all i imagine is that it's you. you're my definition and experience of love.
i know you don't think highly of yourself but you're simply amazing. everything you do or say, is so amazing to me. the compassion that you hold is something I've never seen. in fact id day, you're too compassionate at times.
ive never been treated like you treated me. like a king. you always boost me up, telling me things that feed my morale. like a mother. it's surprising, since you're so younger than me but you're more of a mother to me than anything else. taking care of me, not just physically but always knowing when to give me space, when I need to talk to someone. i hope i treat atleast half as well as you treat me, although I would like to go above and beyond.
i love you. i love everything about you. i love that you always forget to turn off the tv when you fall asleep. i love that you always put the coffee mug upside down in the sink. i love that you always talk with the random birds that sit on the windows whenever we fight. i love that you always steal my shirts and sweatshirts. i love you for your flaws, for you nonsensical things, for you strengths and how until this day you've always supported me. i am absolutely in love with you and everything about you. i am crazy about you.
i can't wait to get married to you. i can't wait to experience everything with you. buying a house, having children. i can't wait to wake up next to you everyday. i can't wait to grow old with you and watch as you complain about backaches and old age. i can't wait to do all of that you. and if get another chance at life after this, god help me to spend that life with you as well.
love,
ashwineyy.
