wait if I'm on fire
how am I so deep in love?
when I dream of dying
i never feel so loved
- trampoline by zayn and shaded
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"You're avoiding us."
Sivaangi sighed as she watched her friend Pavitra squirt mustard on bread. She said, "I'm not avoiding anyone, I'm just .." she trailed off thinking of an excuse
"I'm hibernating."
Pavitra raised an eyebrow in disbelief and shook her head. Sivaangi said, "Seriously. I'm hibernating."
Pavitra sighed, "Sivaangi. Not even bears hibernate for more than 3 weeks. You've been inside this house and not picking my calls for almost a month now."
Sivaangi shrugged, "Guess I'm not a bear then."
Pavitra took a bite of the sandwich, "Okay. You know what. If you're not avoiding us then why don't you join us for dinner tonight?"
Sivaangi stammered for an excuse, "I-I actually have some deadlines to finish today."
Pavitra shrugged, "Told ya. Avoiding."
Sivaangi huffed and gave in, "Fine. Okay. I'm avoiding you guys. What about it?"
"Why?"
Sivaangi plopped down on the couch, "Because, it's like going to a funeral. Everyone's asking questions, offering condolences. And those pitiying looks."
"They're just concerned," Pavitra said pointedly
"No, that's not concern. That's pity. And I'm not pitiful."
Pavitra sighed and asked, "Okay what are you gonna do?"
Sivaangi looked up at her, "I don't know. Give them some time. Everytime they see me all they think is "oh the girl that got left at the altar" or "girl who's groom ran away" and I'll wait until that label goes away."
Pavitra raised an eyebrow, "No. I think you're the one who thinks that way. No one sees you that way."
When Sivaangi didn't respond she sat down in front of her and said, "Listen. I know you're sad, devastated and that's completely okay and valid. But you're not gonna get better until you want to. It won't help anyone. It won't do any good to you."
Sivaangi sighed, "Yeah. You're right. I'll come."
Pavitra grinned, "Really?"
Sivaangi nodded and Pavitra said, "You're the best. I promise, you won't regret it!"
Sivaangi gave her a strained smile and watched as she rushed out of the apartment to make plans.
Sivaangi stared at the blank wall in front of her. It has been like this for 4 months now. Wake up, work, stare at the wall into the abyss, sleep. She wasn't tired of it but it was rather easier to not think. She stood up and her feet felt foreign against the carpeted floor. She breathed deeply, feeling a wall inside her chest. She inched closer to the door and walked out. Fresh air. She needed it.
She walked along the pavement of her apartment street. Four months ago, her fiance left her one day before the wedding. She hasn't been the same person ever since. A void inside her heart. Like she couldn't breathe like before. She looked up at the dark sky dazzling with stars of the past, twinkling above her like a taunt of memories. She breathed deeply. She wanted to find him and ask the question that swirled her mind constantly:- Why?
