As The World Caves In: An Avengers / Star Wars Story

moonlight reminisce

**Don't skip ahead to read translations or risk spoilers**

     "Well, if you want to stay here rather than go home, then you should learn."

      I drop my smile and look away.

      "Unless..." Steve gives me a questioning look. I give a soft smile in return.

      "It is very late, perhaps I should retire to my rooms. I can only handle so much of your language," I say softly, even though it is only two hours later according to the digital device, and excuse myself from Steve, leaving him confused.

I make my way back to my room. I know it's not his fault and it's really not at all his fault for my own struggle to make my choice. It isn't completely fair of me to have acted in such a way. He had not when I mentioned Bucky. I truly have no idea why I had the urge to leave Steve. Perhaps it's my confusion with English mixing with my confusion of wanting to go home. Either way, it gives me a slight headache to think of it. It makes my stomach sick to think of going home now, leaving this galaxy in the state that it is. I said that I wanted to fight for the Rebellion long ago in my chamber on Sakaar, but... I do not believe that there is anything left to fight for.

     The sky outside is just beginning to darken as I enter my room. The same blue room as before. The same room that reminds me of my master, of Anakin, of...

     I reach into my drawer, grabbing my sabre. I take a small vibranium dagger I found lying around and etch yet another tally into the beskar hilt. As it seems, beskar is not the strongest metal to me any more. I run my finger over the two thousand and one little tallies from the day we lost to now. The moment I etched the first one, I couldn't help but feel a smile form on my lips.

     The young clone cadets I would meet always followed in their older brothers' footsteps, marking their own jumpers with tallies like the older clones did. The way they etched the tallies into their armour, marking different things. The number of brothers they had lost, their victories, their rescues. I laugh softly as I think of their marks for each of their kills and how... how he told me over and over, insisting that he never kept track of his own skills. Just to get on my "good side" as Anakin teased I had. But, I don't really have a bad side. Just an example of Anakin being Anakin I suppose.

I rest on the ground, concentrating on just keeping myself on the surface level of the Force. Over these five years, I have wished to maintain my connection, but never dive deep enough to reach those visions again. Those vision were terrifying. They brought forth memories I did not want to see. I try, now, I remind myself of the past more and more each day so I never forget who I am. But to go so deep... I am far too unstable there.

Fear is what is used to control us, Young Xodiva, do not let it take you.

Master Shaak Ti's words repeat in my ears as I focus my breathing.

I wash up in the refresher, placing on a robe over the tank top that serves as my sleep wear. I have never had sleep wear before coming to Earth. There are so many things I have yet to experience within my time here. The device next to my bed reads a line followed by a zig zag and two circles on top of one another. Three symbols.

Although I cannot read the true time, I do know that hours have passed, yet, I don't feel any sort of tired. So, I go where my legs take me. I know I shouldn't trust them after my refresher incident, but I just don't want to stay in my room.

I find myself on the balcony over looking the forest around the Avengers compound. It is dark, very dark. I shut my eyes, listening for any sort of noise. I am well aware that my attempt will not prevail. There are no critters, no birds, or convorees. Does this planet even have convorees?