My Diary Entries

3/8/15 7:47 PM

Sorry I keep updating so much... Wait that's stupid to say! I just feel like it today so... Yeah. This will be an actual diary entry. So on Friday we had a Rally and it was so much fun!!! I had it with T, my crush (I decided to abbreviate people's names again), since we have 6th period together! Most of the time we were laughing about jokes we had come up with like the potatoes... Don't ask. And just doing random things like screaming and being loud and not caring if anyone heard us. That's what happens when i'm with her, I don't care and she makes me feel like it's okay to be myself. It's the best feeling and it's good that I can randomly hug her and she doesn't question it since we're friends. If only she knew that for me, it's more special than just friends... Also, every conversation I have somehow goes back to her... Like can I please not think about her 24/7? But I guess not. Also why is it the hardest thing to not randomly kiss her while we're talking? Like I know I can't do that but I just have an urge and every time I have to just bite my lip and hope for the best. Also my grades suck soooooooo much!! Like my progress report isn't as bad as it is now and my dads like "let's try to improve," little does he know that it's worse now.... I kind of lost motivation for school and am like "who cares? Does my life even matter? Does anything matter?" And it's freaking hard to get out that mind set. Like now when I get excited for something I start thinking "but does it REALLY matter?" So then I never do anything and it's ruining my life. So that's great.

Also I guessed randomly on my math test so i'm sure I will fail horribly. I just have no clue what we are learning about so I just draw the entire time. Another thing about Math class is that there are fudging idiots in there!!!! Like constantly talking and I can tell Mr. R (still abbreviating) is shooting them all in his mind. I feel bad for him because has to constantly tell people to "be quiet! I'm trying to help the people who actually want to learn!" And it's sad but hilarious because i'm a terrible person. Also there's this kid in there, K, that no one likes but will constantly talk to. Like everybody hates him yet he's popular but probably doesn't have any real friends. Like I'd rather have one real friend than 100 fake friends. Another thing is there's a couple other people in there that would talk me and be like "hi Angel" but they not really trying to be nice. They say it in a sarcastic way to annoy me. How I deal with these people is I ignore them. Obviously that's really annoying to them because they want a reaction out of you, like a bully, but i'm not calling them bullies because they don't affect me whatsoever. Like anyone at that school (besides my friends) could insult me in the worst ways and I would not care one bit. Like why would I care about what 13 year old morons think about me? But insult one of my friends and i'm like a bear!! I will go AFTER anyone who messes with my friends! Like my friend could be like "whatever I don't care, ignore them" and I'd still be like "WTH DID YOU JUST SAY YOU LOW-LIFE BITCH WHO HAS NO IDEA WHAT MANNERS EVEN MEAN???" Yeah...

Also update on suspicions about my friends:
Well i'm not suspicious of them anymore! I mean I'll always have to work on my trust issues but for now, I've been reassured that they don't hate me. Also I feel so much better because I spilled all of the feelings I've been bottling up to one of my friends, A, and it feels great! Like I guess I really just needed to talk about how i'm feeling. Btw I think i'm just going to update this book because i'm not in a writer sort of mood lately. Sorry but whatever I'd write right now would be crap because I have too much on my mind to escape into another world. Also I bit off more than I can chew because I kind of just started writing a bunch of books but have no clue how to finish them...

-Angel 8:22

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Okay I have no clue why i'm putting authors notes here anymore...