My Diary Entries

Recent feelings.

Crap.

So today my urge to cut was more than normal. I think today was just bad. It started good, I hung out with A, but then later I felt worse.

I'm not really depressed right now, I don't know what I am, I'm just in this weird stage where I feel this emptiness. Which I really hope doesn't go back down the depression road, because that's how it's been before. I just really really want to completely overcome it and not have to worry that if I'm feeling weird one day - like today - that it might be get worse.

It's the crappiest thing in the world and I'm not even severe.

My dads kind of noticed the cuts on my upper arm though. I really wish I hadn't cut there because I really can't hide it unless I wear long sleeves but it's summer.

And I do NOT want to tell him. It's probably obvious but I don't want to. I don't need my dad worrying about it, it's my problem and my head and my emotions and my thoughts.

I also had a headache today, I can't figure out why. I thought it was because I wasn't drinking enough water. Maybe it was, I'm just happy it's gone now.

Also, I didn't cut, I still feel I like doing it though. Wow I really can't look at pencil sharpeners anymore without getting that urge. I don't even know why, I'm not super depressed, I don't need to cope with emotions, I'm doing okay right now. Ugh this is confusing.