My Diary Entries

Religion...?

Okay this topic is very controversial and I don't want anyone to take offense because these are just my very own personal opinions and if you don't have an open mind and will be mean please do not read. Don't say I didn't warn you.

So my whole life my dads been telling me about God and how he can make your life better if you pray and stuff. Also about how there's heaven and hell and I have to be a good person so I can go to heaven.

He doesn't consider himself in any particular religion though.

So when any bad thing or something would happen me and my dad would pray.

For some reason every time we did I just felt weird. It was like trying to talk to a wall. I didn't feel like we were doing a thing.

But at that point I just figured I was just shy because there's no way I don't believe in God right?

Eventually I kind of questioned it a bit in my head but pushed it aside.

And I was still feeling strange every time I prayed.

So this one time I asked my dad about it.

I asked something about if I were to not believe in heaven and hell.

He said that if hell didn't exist than how would bad people be punished?

I didn't say anything more.

But now I have a reason.

Because dying is punishment.

Not having a life and being nothing and blackness and emptiness and absolutely nothing is punishment.

But let's keep going in order.

So then I kept insisting I believe in this stuff because atheism is never an option right?(sarcasm)

Eventually I started to realize that I felt like I was talking to nothing whenever I prayed.

I realized that I believed you go no where when you die.

I believe this life is all we have.

I think it made me value it a lot more.

I believe our life is not planned and fate is some weird concept some weird person thought up.

What we do in life is decided ultimately by our actions and not by some force in the sky.

But this totally contradicts my dad.

He feels we do have a planned out life and that we do have a life after death.

I also think some people use God as a way to not have to deal with their problems simply by praying and saying God will take care of it.

I just don't get that.

Things change because you do something about it.

But that's me.

I know probably most people disagree or would say I can't possibly know how I feel about religion at such a young age.

And that's probably true.

But right now, this is what I believe and it's really what I've believed my whole life.

If I had gotten the choice I probably would have realized sooner.

But that's just me.

And I can't imagine how it'd be if my dad was a whole lot stricter about it or if we actually went to church.

Now that would be a lot harder.