I am NOT an elfling

Prolugue

Disclaimer: i don't own they hobbit, lord of the rings, or any of the characters in them. I make no money by doing this. This is purely for entertainment purposes.

I. HATE. SCHOOL. I really do. I dislike sitting still for hours on end as people drone on about things you couldn't care less about. I hate the endless amount of homework they pack onto you. I hate it how anything you even remotely like is done so strenuously and badly that you loose all love of it. I hate lack of free time. I hate the endless amount of comitments. I hate most of the people. I hate the tests. I hate it how you are forced to do things you hate. And i hate it how even though it causes me so much pain, i still do it.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not depressed, at least not a lot of the time. Its just that there is so much more i want to do. I love my family and friends, my house and where i live. I love weekends and holidays. I love the idea that someday i will be free. But even then, i feel alone. Im a dreamer, i always have been and maybe i am just a bit insane. Books and music are my escape. I can read and pretend I'm there, that I'm someone else, that I'm happy. I can listen and be swept away by emotion, pretend its me making that amazing sound. I can sing, quite well, but I'm no madonna and I'm too shy to try to hard. Ive been in musicals and have singing lessons, but every time i sing for someone else, i feel like a failure.

Again, i sound depressed. I love my life, i really do, i am so lucky. Its just that i hate it too. Only sometimes, but, enough for me to feel out of place. Friends are hard, and low self esteem doesn't help. But i hide it, I'm a master at that. And even though i wish to be sonewhere, anywhere else, part of me doesn't, i would never abandon my family, never cause them that pain. But without them, well, that would be a different story.