I am NOT an elfling

Beorn The Evil(ish)

NOT ABANDONED!!!!!! Sorry, i have been having a bit of writers block, but i am back!!!

I woke up ( well duh) and the first thing in my head is a song from Shrek the musical ( morning person). I have never actually seen shrek the musical, but my sister did, and she got a few of the songs stuck in my head. I don't actually know any of the lyrics to said song other than ' Ive always been a morning person' so you can guess its quite annoying, especially because i am NOT a morning person. Last night felt like a world away, my stomach felt a bit tight from the stress last night, but now is loose and warm. The beds warm, im warm, the air is warm, ahhh. Someone gonna interrupt me know aren't they? I wait a second of silence before letting put a deep breath and vocalising my ahhhh again. "Ahhhhhh".

"Why goodmorning to you" says Beorn merrily. I Will Kill Him! I startle, my whole body freezing for a second, you may think this is because of the elfling thing, but i actually just startle at loud noises, you should see me around whistles. I slowly turned my head to the side i heard his voice from. I see him sitting casually in an old rocking chair, a cocky smile on his face. I glare at him. " Well aren't i lucky to be the one watching you little kitten" i glared harder. Great so now the are taking turns. " Haha" he laughed as he reached a hand out to me.

You know that second before something happens, where you know your gonna do something, and you really don't want to, but you just do? Yeah, well, considering the circumstances you cant blame me for what i did. He reaches his giant, probably dirty hand at me, and acting purely on instinct, i bite it. We both froze and looked at echother. He had an eyebrow raised, and just casually stared at where my small teeth barely made an imprint on his hand. I just stared for a second before my senses took back over. " EWWWWWW!!" I screetched, sticking my tongue out and trying to wipe it with my hand " Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew" i think i may puke.

Beorn being the bastard he is, just laughes and wipes his unhurt hand on his pants. "Omg! That is sooooooooo disgusting" i screech again, still trying to wipe my tongue. " Now little kitties should not bite" Beorn says with a smirk, finger outstretched, and dam i wanted to bite it. Taking control of myself, i put my tongue back in my mouth ( ew) screwed up my courage and apologised " I am very sorry for biting your hand" i wasnt. He just raised and eyebrow and picked me up.

I yelped. There goes my lovely warm covers. I wonder if anyone would notice if i murdered him." Hey let me down!" I cried! He looked at me, raised that goddarned eyebrow again, then slowly put me on the floor. I am surprised i can walk, but i quickly scramble back to my bed, but he catches me and holds me still halfway. " Its not bed time anymore little kitten, the sun has awoken, and so should you" he should not be so happy! " Screw the sun, I'm nocturnal" i say and struggle harder, Beorn looses himself laughing for a minute, but he does not release me! " It is an hour to breakfast, and i thought you would like to wash up" crap,now i need to pee. I slowly look up and glare at him, he just muffles more laughter. "Why you" i question " Not that theres anything wrong with you" i continue, there was, he is satans child.
"Well little one, as its my house, i think its proper i look after my guests" This time i raise an eyebrow.

"Now, we must continue, i am guessing you wish to walk?" I nod. He then abruptly strode forward, i stumbled. for a second, the caught myself. By this time he had already disapeared. Ok. Ashley. Get a hold of yourself. No use letting a poohead like Beorn get on your nerves. And i refuse to think i just thought of Beorn as a poohead, though he is...Wait....i just got an idea.... Beorn has stopped a few feet away once i slowly walk from the room, he is just casually standing there. I can barely hold it in, and for asecond i just stand there chuckling like a manic, Beorn raises an eyebrow, then i charge.

I run ad fast as i can at him with a battle cry, and when he swings me up in his arms, i nimbly jump onto his back and clim to his shoulders. Beorn seems shocked for a second, and I use the time to swing one leg over either side and of his head and grap onto random junks of his hair like rains.. Slowly, i see his eyes cross slightly as they view me on top of his head, before he just chuckles again and continues walking.

Beorn's house is not to big, so we exit it quickly from a back entrance and as we walk out into the fresh morning air i cannot help but gasp at the view. Around the house are vast stretches of land, flowing green fields filled with flowers and plants all reaching up to grasp the first rays of the sun. Beyond the fields on one end are the mountains, the mountains we crossed and for a second i don't believe it, they are strong, so far, so big. I have always loved mountains and the fact i had crossed ones so amazing and didn't even get to see them properly made me feel down, but i would see them again, i promised myself, i would. Then turning my view to the left a small gasp left my lips. A forest; tall, dark, foreboding. Mirkwood. It was almost a wonder in itself and i just sat and stared for a second, wanting, no, needing to i print every tiny detail in my mind. Beorn, who had stilled during my gazing finally spoke "It is something, isn't it?" And i couldnt help but nod ( though he couldn't see me), childishness forgotten.

Slowly we went down an invisible path to a small brown hut, an out house. The middle-class, rich,sheltered white ( well, Caucasian really) in me screamed in denial and ran far far away. Beorn led me to the door and placed me on the ground before kneeling, and seriously looking me in the eyes, crap! "Do you need help?" He asked sofetly. NO! no no no no ino no NO! Me head screatched. I shook my head, then slowly opened my mouth "But I've never been in one like this before, so maybe if you could just quickly tell me and i would er yeah" he nodded solemnly, then went to the corner of the door were a largish bush with soft leaves grew and handed me one. "Ahhh! I said,i got it!" I announced before i softly muttered thanks and faced my doom.

Inside was dark, little rats of light flickering through the wooden plank walls, but that wasn't the scary part. No, the scary part was the singular large whole near the back, well now or never i guess. I slowly pulled down my leggings and lifted my skirt, the hole was to large for me to put my feet on either side of, so i simply did my best attempt at an air-chair, the leaves in my hand a life line. I did my business and couldn't help wondering if all toilets are like this in Middle-Earth, somehow i couldn't imagine any elf squatting over a hole like this.

The leaves are soft, thank god, then i was done. Making sure my clothes are straight all i could wish for is that people in Middle-Earth understand the importance of washing hands before i went out to face the music. Beorn was outside waiting patiently and when i emerged he took out what i could only guess is a waterskin then knelt by me and dribbled some water on my hands. I quickly rubbed them before drying them on my skirt and murmuring more thanks. Dam! Let hell just swallow me now!!..... please?

Well, i guess ill just have to put my game face on and act mature...and forget yesterday....it never happened! Now i may have silently gripped his hand on the walk back, but i will viciously bite anyone who dares to mention it. " I am so outta my depth" i mutter to myself quietly, very quietly, who knows how good Beorns hearing is and we walk back up the path to the house. "Sooooo....... How are you today?" Urghhh, i am bad at awkward conversation....and general converstation. Beorn continues with his evil little chuckle before saying in his booming voice "How am i? I am very well,though my house has been invaded by a whole pack of dwarves and a hobbit and a wizard no less. It is you that i wonder about" mmm, pack of dwarves...eh, close enough.

"Well I'm in denial " i said chiperly, nearly running to keep up with him "Denial?" He questioned, he eyebrows squashing together, mentally laughing i replied " Yep denial, you see ( and i am sorry to inform you of this) you are not real" "Not Real?!?" He said in shock, before his expression settled and he looked at my like i was insane " You certainly are one strange child" "I know" i replied " its part of my charm" and then i skipt right ahead, into the house and slammed the door so he could not get through. Ha!