I am NOT an elfling

Meeting the Elves

Ok, so maybe 'spider attack' may be a bit of an exaggeration. More like, old confused spider blunders past and Dwalin cuts its frick'n head off.....impressive. And gross! Either way, I scream and fall over. Thorin gets another sudden bout of constipation, followed by a just as abrupt grouchy mood. Freaking hell the spider is big! Like, big enough to eat a horse! Or me! and this, everyone, is why I hate spiders. "Told you so" I mutter, Thorin glares. Everyone else looks shocked. Did I mention I am still on the ground? Well I am, so I get up. Cue dizziness.

I wait patiently for someone to speak, but they are all just looking and me and I am not liking it. "What?!?" I say frustrated, hand on hip " I did warn Thorin, in fact, I warned all of you!". Cue glares and abashed looks, "Well, its just Lassie, we thought you might have been exaggerating just a wee bit". Balin is now on my death list. " It doesn't matter" murmurs Thorin "We continue onward". He. Is. An. Idiot. I am seriously contemplating  sassing him out. Eh, probably should not. He already hates me enough. So we go to walk and.......FUCK!!!!

Mum, if you can hear me, I apologise. Seriously!! But seriously, just when things cant get worse, you are shoved under the feet of a hundred ( ok, maybe a bit of an exageration) freaking dwarves who are now huddled and pointing weapons at a freaking possy of elves!!! Should freaking go on my no-swear list? No. No it should not. Anyway, the dwarves do not stand a fighting chance ( or any other kind of chance for that matter) so they are quickly pulled apart and given to a few elves each for searching. Should I feel happy that they put me in the middle of the circle? Or was it an accident? I was almost trampled so that isn't exactly showing awerness......

Soo, know we are stuck with elves searching grumpy dwarves and fighting off the odd spider trampling through our midst and I am sitting on the ground, unnoticed, with my eyes screwed shut and my hands on my ears. I know it seems immature. But quite frankly I am along, scared, tired, hungry, tired, scared and tired! Urgh! Mh thoughts are all jumbled.

The only good thing about all of this is I have learnt to do the sitting down squat, which I am actually pretty proud of! So not the point. They are whispering now. In elvish. The dwarves are still being searched. Half of me wants to look up and watch. But I keep my eyes closed and my ears covered. Even through my hands I can hear them though and know they are looking at me. One finally reaches a conclusion and I hear footsteps coming towards me.

This seems wrong. Elves don't make footstep sounds. It is not a dwarf though. They sound more like miny earthquakes. So an elf. An elf being purposefully loud. Why? I don't know how, but I feel them crouch down beside my. Closer. Closer. I feel a finger on my ching. It is surprisingly warm. It is gentle. Something says safe. It lifts up my chin slowly, fraction by fraction. The clearing seems to have gone silent.

Finally my face is upright. I know I need to open my eyes, so I do. Only then do I realise I am crying. Freaking hell! Not again. I am silent as a blurry face comes in to focus, then on instinct I go to rub my eyes with my hands. I dont hear the gasps till my hands are now in fists blocking my eyes. They saw my ears. Great, I sob. I wanted to explain this right! I'm not actually an elf! Cue more sobbing. There are some words, which I don't freaking understand....well, I think I don't.....When Gandalf talked in Elvish it was different, less fluent, less, well just less. Hearing it now was like seeing an old friend, you know you know them, you just can't quite match their face to anything.

I know from research elves are meant to be able to talk by age 1, but maybe it has less to do with intelligence and more to do with this feeling. This feeling of a few more words and I would remember, a few more words and it would all make sense. Somehow a few mere words seemed to have caused a longing in me that brings forth more tears, but of a different kind. A sense of belonging I have never quite felt seems to be right at the tips of my fingers, I reach out......warmth.

I shake my head, stay in the present Ash! Urgh! Well it seems my little 'reach out' was interpreted as an "Oh! Come and pick me up and trap me in your arms my handsome, princely, elven saviour!". Seriously guys! Give a girl a second. Damn. I can feel myself relaxing in the warm arms. Fuck you, you comfy assed....and there goes the language. Freaking hell girl! Woman up! Eh, Ill complain next time, this is to comfy.....Low mutters are now more serious and hurried. Suddenly I am moving, you are so lucky Mr Elf that I have not had the luxury of eating lately, or trust me, I would be totally decorating your outfit....with the contents of my stomach.

I know I should care that we are now moving at a speed the dwarves would so not  be able to keep up with at the moment and that I hear their muffled shouts in the distants. These pointy eared bastard better not leave them! Ehh, Ill worry about it tomorrow. So warm, i'll just close my eyes. As I slowly fall into the depth of slumber I swear we start to go even faster. Mmmm.....