Layers Of

Chapter 21

Numb. That's what it was to feel everything all at once as well as feeling nothing. She stayed like that, huddled in her bed, for days. Being an omega wasn't something she wanted but it was the short stick she drew from the beginning. She hated. She hated herself. Hated them. Hated him.

Last night was too much for her. The thought of food made her sick and she thought it would be like that for the next few days. Still, the scene made her mind reel into emptiness and longing; a longing she didn't want to experience.

His words ran through her mind like a slingshot. His eyes burned into her soul and the taste of his lips still hung on hers. There was nothing between her and him for a moment before she recoiled on herself. What did he mean?

Tears slowly filled her eyes as the grief in her heart clung to everything around her. The way she couldn't reciprocate his kiss for longer made her mad. I don't want it.

Still, as she closed her eyes and tried to sleep, the idea of the Soldier - of Bucky - filled her dreams.

---

As she began to slowly awake from nothingness, she sensed the sun lighting the room. Taking a deep breath, she noticed the smell of salt and sand filling her. Upon opening her eyes, she noticed the window facing the ocean was open and, yes, the sun lighting the room with the dawn. She tried to move and noticed two strong arms about her. One over her waist and the other under her neck.

Quickly, the metallic scent filled her as she moved her head more into the arms under her. She hummed softly, a smile edging her face.

"Good morning, Little Bird," he whispered, still half asleep.

She slowly turned around in his arms and looked up at him. He looked the same as he always did, this time with short hair. Like in the 40s, she thought. She enjoyed it.

"Good morning Bucky," she hummed, tracing her fingers against his bare chest. Most of the scars were faded and his shoulder looked ten times better with careful care and better metals against his bones.

"How are you feeling this morning?"

She looked confused for a moment, then it hit her. The first time in their new house and the first love-making in the new house. Hours away from other people where they could be alone, something they never had the pleasure of.

"I feel glorious," she responded, smiling up at him. "I can't wait to start this new point in our life together."

"Pups of our own, I can't either."

---

Lightning struck outside and it jolted her awake. Or maybe it was the dream? She checked herself and found that she wasn't cold with sweat like she would normally be in a bad dream.

She shook her head in disgust and confusion. Disgust with her own body and mind at the dream. It felt so real and she was happy with him and not scared or intimidated.

At another time, she wanted a happy family of her own with someone who loved her and she loved them. Now, the world wasn't safe for omegas. Nothing would be safe for her. Not here, not on her own. Her guard would have to be up. But the trust she put into the ones around her reminded her that, as her guard would be up, it wouldn't have to be constantly.

She sighed, shaking her head once more. What is Natasha or Steve thinking about the outburst last night?

She looked at the clock. Two nights now, she supposed. Surprisingly, hunger struck her stomach and it growled monstrously. Without another word, she decided to get food, hoping something small would be in the fridge.

---

"Yes!" she exclaimed, a small smile on her face as she discovered yogurt in the fridge. As a child, it seemed that any yogurt was her comfort food and she felt she deserved it.

In a small trance, she danced herself into the spacious living room slowly. By the time she sat down, half the yogurt was gone. It filled her with joy, truly. She remembered her friends at the orphanage, the carefree girls, and flirtatious boys. Everyone was family, in their own sadist ways.

She didn't notice the alpha enter the room - or perhaps he was already there. When she looked up, their eyes locked once more.

"I'm sorry."